Wednesday, June 25, 2014

In Which I Take All 3 Boys to an OB/GYN Appointment

I have never taken one of my boys to an OB/GYN appointment if they were over the age of 3.5.  Mostly, because the older ones were already in school when I was pregnant with Jake and the same with this pregnancy.  I have taken Jake on occasion, but usually I have been able to find a sitter.

Now, that the boys are out of school and Ben is gone for some field training, I really had no choice but to pack up all three and head to the Army clinic on post with all in tow.  I had called ahead to make sure it was okay they came.  The nurse said it was fine if they were "well-behaved".  Now, my definition of "well-behaved" is if one doesn't kill another.  As far as behavior is concerned, if we all get out alive, I will consider it a job well done!

And since I was pretty sure they weren't going to do bodily harm to one another (they promised up and down they wouldn't -- and a small bribe might have tipped the scales in my favor as well), I decided to take them with me.

It was my 20 week.  (Yes, can you believe it?  Half way done!)  So, I was pretty sure the doctor wasn't going to do anything I wouldn't want peeking eyes to see.

First off, you have to know, that Jake has just about everyone he meets snookered.  He runs up to random people and waves his chunky little 3-year-old hand and yells, "Hi!!"  It doesn't matter who it is... he has melted the hearts of generals, doctors, random Wal-mart shoppers, and even homeless guys.  This time it was a nurse out in front taking a smoke break.  She looked like she was having a really bad day.  But that didn't matter to Jake... oh no.  He ran right up to her outside the hospital and waved his little hand and gave his charming little squinty-eyed smile.  She just about melted into a puddle.  She thought he was the cutest little guy.  The older boys just rolled their eyes... like their little bro was such a tool.

Then Jake was so distracted waving, he almost got crushed in the revolving door.  But no worries, there were plenty of soldiers standing there poised for the rescue if this mama wasn't fast enough... which I was, of course.  I should have gotten a round of applause, because I sure as heck put on a free show -- but soldiers just give the nod of respect... and I am down with that.  (But a little clapping would have been cool.)

My boys made a huge production of taking an elevator.  You know you don't take your kids to many places of business when riding the elevator becomes a full out operation.  Who gets to push the first button?  Which door will open first?  Who will push the button on the inside? Once inside, to jump or not to jump? All these things were discussed by the older boys as we waited, only to have their plans foiled when the door opens, Jake runs in, and hits the button before Sam could have HIS turn.  A little drama ensued.  Nothing that couldn't be fixed by the sudden sensation of the elevator zipping up.

When we got to the clinic on the 3rd floor, the receptionists were all very excited to see their little buddy Jake, who had no shame in strutting his stuff around before heading towards the toys.  I

We were only waiting for maybe 3 minutes before they called my name.  That's one thing that is VERY different from the OB/GYN offices here in Oklahoma then in Utah.  In Utah, the waiting rooms are PACKED all the time with pregnant women.  Here, we are lucky to see another person sitting in there at all. There was one other lady sitting in there filling out paper work.  Mostly, it was just us.  I followed the nurse over to the scale which was situated in the waiting room behind a partition.  Jake hopped on like he was king of scale flashing his grin at the nurse causing her to go all sweet-- the little show off.  The other two boys rolled their eyes and shook their heads.

When I got Jake away from the scale I hopped on.  I had expected the weight because I weighed that morning, but I didn't even think that my kids would be watching... I mean REALLY watching.  When the number came up, Sam yelled out "OH MY GOSH!!!  That is the BIGGEST number I have EVER seen!!! HOLY COW MOM!!  You are like SO HEAVY!!!  Your weight is SO HUGE!!"  I just about died.  Right there.  The lady in the waiting room was trying not to laugh.  The nurse next to me was looking beyond horrified, and the people at the reception desk were hooting with laughter.  So I did what every self-respecting women would do.  I laughed with them.

"That's my boys!  The builders of self-esteem!" I declared trying to have a good attitude.  Lesson learned, don't let those big mouth boys see the scale next time...

So we get back to the exam room.

I am feeling a little nervous because the boys just won't stop touching things!  So I give Jake my phone to play with, and Sam freaks out about unfair it is.  I am trying to reason with him, when I notice Nephi staring at a life size model of the female reproductive system.  It was an advertisement for NuvaRing and it came equipped with a little ring on a string for demonstrations. I can tell his mind is going full speed.  So I prepared myself to answer the questions I knew were coming...

"Mom," he asked. " I can't figure out this toy... what does it do? Is it a game?"

Umm... that wasn't the question I thought he would ask... then he said pointing to another diagram of the same thing only an advertisement for an IUD -- where you put the IUD where it was supposed to go: "And what kind of puzzle is that?"

Oh, brother... this was going to be painful.

So I tried to explain to them that it was were babies were made in mommy's tummy (trying to avoid the subject of birth-control for now...even though Nephi was holding the NuvaRing trying to figure out where it went).

"How does the baby get out?"  Sam asked.  I pointed to the "part" that was a long clear tube on the model.  They just stood there staring at it.  Then, after a moment of deep contemplation, my speech-impaired Sam said , "Well, that's inconvenient."

"You have no idea..." I said under my breath.

Then I was saved by the bell... in the form of my doctor.

The boys were thrilled they got to hear the baby's heart beat. Jake was totally distracted by the stickiness that was the ultrasound/heartbeat monitor gel on my tummy and completely charmed yet another health care professional with his cute little voice and smile.

My doctor commented on how well behaved my boys were.  And to a mom with kids who struggle with that... well, it made my day!  Then Jake's diaper leaked all over the exam table...  Good thing my doctor has a sense of humor.

So, we come out of the exam room and Jake starts charming the nurses in the hall.  One of the ladies said, "I know this little guy!!  He came up to me out on my break and completely made my day!" Yeah, it was the nurse we saw coming in that looked grumpy.  Jake had a new fan.  She was smiling big and giving him high-fives.  What a little stud.

So there you have it.  After many awkward moments, we survived the trip.  And a day latter, I can laugh about it.  It was an adventure for sure -- but not one I am eager to repeat... for now.


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