"Wipe that smirk off your face!" I find myself snapping when I confront him about his messy pants.
"I'm NOT smirking! I am laughing!" he retorts. Oh my gosh, I have a teenager already and he's only 5!
"Do you want to live to celebrate your 6th birthday?!" I snap.
"Yeah, you just think about that!"
"Duh, mom. Whatever." Where does he learn this stuff? Oh, yeah, me. Oops.
Then to add insult to injury, I get this email this morning from his teacher:
I wanted to mention that Nephi brought a pocket knife to school yesterday. I saw him with it in the morning and immediately I told him that we cannot bring that to school and I put it in his backpack. He wanted to keep it in his pocket and was really frustrated with me that I wouldn't let him, but that is something that cannot be here at school. Please talk to him about this and help him understand why we cannot have knifes at school, no matter how innocent.I. Was. MORTIFIED!
Where the heck did he get a pocket knife!?
"BEN!!!!!!" Obedient husband comes running in! (Yeah, right I wish... he actually took his sweet time. But a girl can dream right?")
"How the heck did Nephi get a pocket knife?" I snapped. I was really ticked because if we lived in any other town, Nephi would have been arrested and kicked out of school.
"I didn't give him one, do you think I'm stupid or something?" We got Nephi's backpack and searched it. This is what we found in the side pocket:
We got it for him because he has a spacer in his mouth and gets food stuck in it. Nephi uses it to keep his spacer clean. We just didn't expect him to take it to school and wave it around like a crazy lunatic (I know he teacher was probably playing the event down, because I KNOW my kid. He does nothing small).
I quickly wrote his teacher back. Not really to clear his name... if he acts up, the little turd gets what he deserves... but to clear MY name. I didn't want her to think I was some psycho mom giving her 5 year knives to go stabbing kids at school with. No sir-ee! (I only let them loose with evil dental picks...)
This mama raises no future criminals! (Knock on wood)
PS I ran into his teacher after school. We both had a good laugh over the deadly tooth pick...(cue ominous music)