Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Just Not One of Those Moms....

When Sam was 3 years old, he started his special needs preschool.  The bus came and got him, and he looked so little standing there with his backpack.  I thought, he's just a little guy!  He isn't big enough to go to school yet!
I got a little chocked up, but not too much.  After the first day of him gone to pre-school, I discovered a freedom that I hadn't had in a long time!  I didn't remember what it had been like not to have to deal with Sam 24/7.  Don't get me wrong, I love the kid, but speech/language impairment can be VERY stressful and frustrating for all parties involved.  With my hubby working and going to school full time, I had to deal with it mostly on my own.  I needed the help from the pre-school more than I was willing to admit at the time.

Where it was hard for me to see him go that first day, on day two I couldn't wait for him to get on the bus.  I basically drop kicked him into it... If I remember correctly, he had been throwing tantrums all morning and I was ready for the break.

Ever since then, I have no sadness at all at seeing my kids off to school.  Summer can't end soon enough sometimes.  I love them, but they are full of beans!  I think my main problem is that Ben is gone in the summers and I have them all day every day with only a few breaks here and there.  They just plain wear me out.

And I love to snuggle with my boys as much as any mom, when they let me.  But I am determined to teach them some independence and let them make their own choices and discover the consequences good and bad.  

There were no tears from me, as I got the boys ready yesterday for their first day of school.  Sam is a 1st grader this year (if you just read between the lines you may have seen my jump and heal click) and Nephi is a kindergartner. 

Don't they look so handsome in their little school uniforms?

Anyway, I took them to school yesterday and after seeing how most of the other parents were acting over their kids, I started to feel like I might be a bad mom.  I took Sam to where his class was and there were parents hovering everywhere taking pictures!  I couldn't believe it, it wasn't like they were never going to see them again right?  Sam was actually a little frightened because crowds scare him.  All the kids in the school meet in the gym in the morning for announcements and all that.  They line up in their classes.  We found Sam's class and he just stood there not moving.  I felt bad leaving him, but I had to take Nephi to his class, and I actually had to attend with him the first day.

So feeling bad that I wasn't hovering around Sam taking pictures and holding his hand, I took my kindergartner to his class.  He totally didn't need me.  Not even a little.  He was actually a little annoyed that I was hanging around.  I sat on the other side of the class and tried to listen to his teacher telling everyone about the class expectations -- but the clicking of iPhones was really distracting.  Parents were going nuts snapping pictures of their little ones sitting at their desks, writing on paper, coloring, picking their noses... you know the usual stuff kids do at that age.  Once again, I was feeling like a bad mom.  Not only did I want to get the heck out of there and met up with my Diet Pepsi I left in the van, but I had zero desire to snap pics of Nephi holding a pencil.

I love my kids.  I really do.  They are pretty much my life... but I am just not a hand holder.  And honestly, it has served us well.  But then again, maybe I should coddle them more... let me think about it... no, I don't think so.  

And you know what?  This morning when we took them to school, they couldn't wait to get out and go to class.  I walked in with them, and totally cramped their styles.  Sam wanted me to walk a little bit away and Nephi couldn't get away fast enough.  No, I don't think they are embarrassed of me one bit.  Yes, they are trying to show me what big boys they are!  Then when I come pick them up, they yell out to me when they see me and can't hop in fast enough.  Sam always tells me that he loves school, but that he missed me.  Well, then, I guess maybe I am not such a bad mom after all.


Do you have a hard time with first days?  Or are you like me and LOVE back to school?


Samantha Kay said...

Nephi & Sam look so big in their pictures!

My kid is only 3, not in school yet. But I'm the complete opposite of you; I'll be the mom holding his hand & snapping away on my phone or camera. And I'll probably bawl my eyes out. It actually makes me sad to think about sending him off to school! I'm the wimpy mom. :P

armywife said...

Mari started her first day on Monday and I did good until I got into the van with my husband and the tears started flowing. I called my mom and my sister and they calmed me down. Day 2 and now Day 3 have been much easier. I LOVE my quiet time and the ability to clean and take a shower in peace. lol

Anika and Sean said...

When Terryn went to school for the first time, I gave him a quick hug and kiss goodbye and left. Parents are allowed and sometimes encouraged to stay the first full day with new students. The director was surprised that I was leaving, but I knew my son and knew he'd be fine. Sure enough when I came to pick him up the director said, "I know now why you didn't stay. He was so comfortable here." I think parents make parting traumatic by making a big deal about saying goodbye.

The Mom said...

I cried the first day of kindergarten of each of my four kids. The second day I was whooping with joy! Today was my oldest's first day of college!

tadalafil said...

last week, i was pretty sure i was a terrible mother – well, maybe not terrible – but maybe just a little too consumed with myself and not the welfare of my children the first day of “school” for the kids went well – or so i thought … drop off went great – pick