Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Be Not Ashamed

While I have a great group of supportive friends out there in the world, there are always a few that will try to make me feel guilty or ashamed of my accomplishments.  It's a bit of a mystery to me, why people do this, and a HUGE pet peeve.  I can post a happy post on here or say a happy comment on Facebook, and get a 30 likes and 30 great, encouraging comments... which make me feel good... until I get that one comment that just rubs me wrong.  I don't know why it upsets me so much... maybe, because I am too nice to say what I really want to say to them.  So I am going to say it here.

Don't worry, I am not going to start getting mean, I just want to point out a few kinds of people that are out there, how I deal with them, how I want to deal with them, and if you are one of them, maybe it's time to make some changes in your own life so you don't sit around wasting your time putting other people down and use your energy more wisely to build yourself up in a more constructive way.

That being said, here are the types of people I run into when great things happen in my life (Note: when sucky things happen, they are usually the first ones to tell me how sorry they are, but I just know that really they are smiling at my misfortune... just because I know how they are when it comes to my successes).

People who are happy for you as long as you still aren't quite as cool as they think they are.  If you dare to pass these people on their imaginary scale of who is the coolest, well you are in deep trouble.  These are the people who leave comments like "Don't lose too much weight, it isn't healthy.  Besides you were fine just the way you are!"  These comments are disguised as being nice and concerning, but for someone who has worked REALLY hard to get healthy and feel good about themselves, it's just rude.  First off, when I was almost 300 pounds, I WASN'T just "fine" the way I was.  I was unhealthy and in danger of high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, and other things that come with morbid obesity.  Being morbidly obese IS NOT "just fine."  And "Don't lose too much weight..." ?  HELLO!  It's not like I am trying to be a size zero!  I have realistic goals!  Don't treat me like I am stupid and unwise, that just belittles me and I don't like it.

People who say it's "unfair" that you did what you did. These people make me want to drop kick their butts out of my life. "Unfair"?! What is so unfair about the fact that I worked my whole life to figure out what works with my body to get unhealthy weight off? For most of my life I struggled with being fat. I put up with rude waiters, clothing store people ignoring me because they didn't want to tell me that they didn't carry my size.... I didn't go on one date while I was in college. Being told no, when asking out guys because I got sick of waiting to get asked out... Feeling so bad about myself, that when I was 16 I seriously considered suicide because I thought no one could ever love a fat girl like me. I was embarrassed to go shopping, eating in public, and I NEVER went to public pools unless I had a huge t-shirt and shorts on over my suit. The hardest thing was, is that I was a good eater... I just didn't know that my body didn't like some foods. I suffered a long time... until I really got serious a few years ago and figured it all out. These people who say it's unfair.... this is what I want to say to them: We make our own lives. We forge our own destinies by the choices we make. No one can be blamed for what we choose to make of our lives. I get so tired of people blaming all their bad choices on other people. Man or woman-up and take responsibility for your own life and get your butt off the couch and do something about it! So your life sucks? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Otherwise, shut up and let me be happy about my hard work and payoff.

People who are jealous. These are the trickiest of the bunch. They can act all nice, but the undertones are super rude. I'm not talking about the friends that say, "Oh my gosh, I am so jealous!" We all know that they are being encouraging and happy for you. No, I am talking about the people who are jealous and won't admit it even to themselves. Truth is, jealously is a personal problem. I am not ashamed of the choices I made in my life that made me the person I am today. I honestly believe that I have tried to be the best person I can be. I am not perfect, I make mistakes, but the choices that matter... I feel I have done pretty good in that department. I treat people with respect, kindness, and love. I am honest in all the things I do. I am a faithful wife and mother, and I am dedicated to my family's welfare and future. We have gone through so much to get where we are today, Ben and I. We took a less traveled road of hard work, patience, and temporary poverty to further Ben's education, raise a family at the same time, and sacrifice nice things like working vehicles and fun toys. When Ben graduates next year, it will have taken us 8 1/2 years to get Ben his Bachelor's Degree. When lots of our friends were done with school and in nice houses, we were still trying to stretch every dollar we had. And know what? We are SUPER THRILLED with what our future holds when Ben commissions next summer. We are finally going to have some money, we are going to get to travel and live a life we have dreamed of our whole lives. We worked SO HARD. We made so many sacrifices. So to those nit-wits who took the fast track to nothing, and are now ticked that we are about to embark on a great journey, all have to say to them is: "Get over it." And like the "unfair" people, if your life sucks, CHANGE IT! You ALWAYS have a choice.

People who try to cheapen your accomplishment or struggle.  The key is, just not to let these people get to you.  They are probably a person who fits in the last category too.  These are people who downplay your hard work to make it look like it's no big deal.  Well, they can just kiss it!  Because guess what?  It matters to me and it matters to the people who love me the most.  Only you and those close to you can really know and understand what you are fighting.  I know that people are getting annoyed with me talking about this whole Asthma thing.... but I can't tell you what a slap in the face that was for me.  AND I can't tell you how much my perspective of my life and my future has changed with that knowledge.  I have some serious hope now when it comes to my fitness levels, I don't blame myself anymore.  I blamed myself for my lung issues my whole life!  It makes me cry just thinking about how it really wasn't my fault after all!  Now that I have been on my new meds for a week now, I am breathing better, I sleep better, I have more energy, and I am happier!  People who tell me, "oh, asthma, that's not a big deal."  Well, maybe not to you, but this is a life changing revelation to me!  Or, "You lost ONLY 20 pounds?  I know someone who lost 200!"  Who gives a hoot and a holler what your friend lost.  I worked blasted hard to get those 20 pounds off!!  These people, I try to ignore... then I make fun of them to my husband... makes me feel better, if not a little petty.

Thing is, I am pleased with myself. I am so happy that all my hard work is finally paying off, weight-wise and everything else-wise. I refuse to let people get me down anymore!! It just isn't my problem. Why should I feel ashamed? I shouldn't and won't! I have every right to share it with people. Because you know what? Sharing my hard work and accomplishments can help to inspire others to make changes in their lives... and that, to me, is WAY more important than offended prideful people who are too lazy and comfortable to make their own dreams come true. All of our lives can be happy if we make that choice! We can ALL have happily ever afters, I mean why not? I believe it!

The saddest thing of all, and this really tares me apart, is that there are so many people that are missing out on great friendships because they can't get past themselves, their petty jealousies, or their pride.  There are a couple people that spring quickly to my mind, and my heart aches that we will never be the friends we could have been.

Meanwhile, I am going to continue to work hard.  Be the best person I can be.  I am not ashamed of my accomplishments, and nothing anyone can say will change that!  And if people don't like that, they can go take a flying leap!  Go make your dreams happen!  Be not ashamed!

First pic is me back in April... the other 3 are me, yesterday and today... don't mind my scary hair!


Heidi said...

Go you!! You're awesome! I just love ya girl, so glad you aren't letting anything hold you back! Best of luck in getting those last 30-40 lbs off, plus more, crossing my fingers this asthma revelation will help with that!!

Annie said...

You are awesome!

Just Me said...

I agree. Awesome Sauce .. Just keep doing what your doing. :)

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Nina said...

You should definitely be proud of your achievements, and just keep going!
People who try to cheapen the accomplishments, well, just let them be. I know, it is sad to hear negative comments but at the end of the day it is most important what you think of yourself, and what you want to be & where to go.

Keep your chin up, and be proud of yourself!

Steph Staszko said...

Great post Cat! Jealous people are by far the trickiest like you said, god it's scary what jealousy drives some people to do :/