Friday, April 6, 2012

Immature Threats and Insults...

A mom's got to do what a mom's got to do, right?

Have you ever had to stoop to the maturity level of your kids to get a point across?  I hate it when I have to "go there" -- it can be a pretty dark place sometimes.

This morning, Sam was acting unusually sassy for a 6 year old.  He laughed in my face when I told him to go to his room for smacking Nephi upside the head.  I felt like slapping the grin right off his face... instead though, I threatened him with a "swirly." He looked at me like I was nuts until I told him what a "swirly" was.  Now to a normal kid, the thought would border on funny/not so funny... but to a kiddo with OCD the prospect of getting his head dunked in the potty accompanied with a flush or two was downright horrifying and brought promises of nightmares so bad that he MIGHT wet the bed.

Sam was pretty good until we got in the car and he demanded that I stop at the local gas station and get him a candy bar.  So NOT going to happen.  I explained to him that I don't reward bad attitudes and sassy mouths.  He pitched a fit and started punching himself in the head (this a new antic he has been developing for the last month -- I just wonder how long it will take him to figure out that he is only hurting himself... literally).  Then he started yelling stuff at me like, "I hate you!", "You're the meanest mom in the world!" and my personal favorite: "You are a stupid, idiot, jerk-face and I am going to tell my friends to EAT YOU!"

I am shaking in my fuzzy pink slippers with fear...

Then in all my brilliance, I came up with the ULTIMATE comeback.  Think, what do kids that age worry about the most?  This is what I said after he calmed down long enough for me to talk:

"Samuel, today, you are not my friend."

Silence.  Nephi looked frantically from me to Sam to see what was going to happen.  Sam was speechless, which hardly ever happens, and just stared at me all red-faced.  To a 6 year old, friends are everything!  And here I was "unfriending" him.

"I AM your friend...." he replied timidly.

"Nope, not today.  Friends don't call friends 'stupid-idiot-jerk-face'." I said calmly shacking my head in that that "I-am-so-disappointed-in-you" way that we parents work hard to master.

"YOU ARE MY FRIEND!" He then yelled at me. I just shook my head in disappointment and told him that I don't like having friends with bad attitudes.

He was quiet then, thinking about his naughtiness, when finally he said, "Mommy, I am sorry.  I didn't mean to be mean.  I love you.  I want us to be friends."  I then told him that I accepted his apology if he really meant it and stayed a good boy for the rest of the day....

The next hour was pleasant, until we got home and I stuck to my guns about grounding him from the Wii for the rest of the day.  For some reason, he thought that his better behavior voided out this punishment and was really angry when I wouldn't go back on my word.

So I am back to being the super horrible mommy.  Isn't life just so hard sometimes??



Annie said...

hahaha! loved this post!

Samantha said...

"You are a stupid, idiot, jerk-face and I am going to tell my friends to EAT YOU!"

I totally lol'd at that. So hilarious!