Thursday, March 8, 2012

Feeling Helpless... One of the WORST Feelings There Is!

This morning I woke up to my husband stumbling around the room opening and closing drawers and closets, and making a very loud effort to get ready for the day.  Today is Thursday and Ben has a 6 am class on Thursdays. Usually he comes home after that class, showers and tells me how his morning went.  Not today.  Not this Thursday.

"How did class go?" I asked him in my sleepy voice.

"I don't want to talk about it." He said.  Oh, no.  Ben hardly ever says that... it must have been bad.

"That bad, huh?"

"Cat, it was so bad, that I can't tell you.  You will just freak out." Normally, when Ben was this upset about class, it had to do with homework not getting done or a test gone bad.  But this 6 am class is military related... so I knew something must have gone terribly wrong.  When I saw him throwing on his uniform, I knew it was bad enough that he was going in with his uniform on.


I knew I couldn't and wouldn't press him.  It's one of those things that comes with being a military wife... we learn really fast when there are things we can't nag about to know.  And the thing is, we are usually better off not knowing.

So I didn't ask.  I decided to just trust him to go and do his job and his duty.

But it doesn't stop me from feeling totally and completely helpless!  How many times to I want to go in and rip everyone apart for being jerks or mistreating my man?!  Like all the time!!  But there are lines I can't cross.

What I do do is pray.  A lot!  I try to be supportive.  I made Ben a yummy breakfast and packed him a lunch.  I gave him extra kisses as he walked out the door.  I know whatever burden he is carrying is huge, and that he has to carry it alone right now... but that won't stop me from trying to make everything else on his shoulders a little easier and lighter.

I waited a couple of hours, then I sent him a text message with a picture I put together, in a small attempt to make him smile:
"We love you!  We're routing for you!  Good luck with your test today and all that other stuff! You're in our prayers."

I think feeling helpless is one of the worst feelings there is.  When you just have to sit still and have faith and hope that things out of your control will work out for the best.

So for now, I wait for his phone call...


What do you do when you feel helpless??


crystal said...

feeling helpless and not in some kind of control of whatever the situation may be is SO HARD! I have learned that my mind has to stay busy busy busy, I know my mind will still go to what is troubling me, but at least my stomach doesn't keep that nervous sick feeling if I am doing something else. Thats the only way I can get through things like these....I have to just keep busy and talk with heavenly father alot.

Lorri said...

We;ll keep him and you in our prayers. Love ya, Lolo

Heidi said...

You're amazing! He's so lucky to have you. :) Sorry he had such a bad day, hope it turned out. Hugs!