"How did class go?" I asked him in my sleepy voice.
"I don't want to talk about it." He said. Oh, no. Ben hardly ever says that... it must have been bad.
"That bad, huh?"
"Cat, it was so bad, that I can't tell you. You will just freak out." Normally, when Ben was this upset about class, it had to do with homework not getting done or a test gone bad. But this 6 am class is military related... so I knew something must have gone terribly wrong. When I saw him throwing on his uniform, I knew it was bad enough that he was going in with his uniform on.
I knew I couldn't and wouldn't press him. It's one of those things that comes with being a military wife... we learn really fast when there are things we can't nag about to know. And the thing is, we are usually better off not knowing.
So I didn't ask. I decided to just trust him to go and do his job and his duty.
But it doesn't stop me from feeling totally and completely helpless! How many times to I want to go in and rip everyone apart for being jerks or mistreating my man?! Like all the time!! But there are lines I can't cross.
What I do do is pray. A lot! I try to be supportive. I made Ben a yummy breakfast and packed him a lunch. I gave him extra kisses as he walked out the door. I know whatever burden he is carrying is huge, and that he has to carry it alone right now... but that won't stop me from trying to make everything else on his shoulders a little easier and lighter.
I waited a couple of hours, then I sent him a text message with a picture I put together, in a small attempt to make him smile:
I think feeling helpless is one of the worst feelings there is. When you just have to sit still and have faith and hope that things out of your control will work out for the best.
So for now, I wait for his phone call...
What do you do when you feel helpless??