Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Facing Fears and Moving On

Some of you long time readers may remember the "incident" last June we had at Chick-Fillet.  (If not, you can read about it here)  Since then, I have developed this "phobia" of those play areas.  I'm not talking about just not liking them and staying away, I am talking about a physical reaction, almost feeling like throwing up every time I even THINK about going to one of those places again.

It may seem a little silly... even to me, I sometimes tell myself I am over-reacting.  But the fear is real.

And it drives my kids crazy!

Sam doesn't even remember the incident.  He has totally moved on to better things.  Almost like it never even happened... which is great for him.  I am SO glad!  But I am the one that was effected the most.  Mainly, because no matter what everyone told me, I still felt like a failure as a mother and protector of my child.  I just couldn't help feeling like it was my fault and I screwed up big time.

One of my new year's goals was to let it go, move on, and just be wiser.

This goal was put to the test this week when my kids BEGGED me to take them to McDonald's.  I haven't taken them to any place with a playground since that day in June.  They wanted to go there so bad, and there was really no reason not to take them other than my phobia of play areas.

After lots of begging and pleading, I gave in.  I knew that I had to face that fear that had been festering inside me for a while now.  I had to learn to let go a little and let my kids have that tiny bit of freedom to play in public again.

It was scary and frightening and my stomach turned so bad I couldn't eat with them.  But I did it.  Watched them like a hawk and looked crazy obsessive to some of the other parents there, but baby steps, right?  Just a step at a time...

It was Jake's first time there, and he tried his first french fry... I'm not sure how he felt about them... what do you think?
When we left, I was a total nervous wreck!  I was shaking, near puking up my Diet Coke, and could barely get the kids in the car without feeling like sinking down in a deep chair and crying.... AND I haven't felt so liberated in a long time!

I faced a fear, and I survived.

That, my friends, is worth a happy dance.

-Cat

2 comments:

Leenie said...

I just read your other post and oh my gosh... it would take all the muscles in my body to face a fear like you did, too!

Heidi said...

You are so awesome! Way to go Cat :) I'm so proud of you for facing your fears and being so brave! :) I don't know if I could have done it myself if that happened to my kids.