Monday, November 7, 2011
Snow and Major Public Blow-Outs
You know those little Cloud Cars the Care Bears drive around? I feel like I am driving one after it snows. Sure I clear all my windows off, but I am usually in a hurry for some reason or another and so off I go looking like Stressed-A-Lot driving the Cloud-Mobil like a crazy person. If only it could fly too... a dangerous thought...
So as I am running around, snow spray flying up onto my windshield from the front of my car, I silently fling Mormon cuss words out at the people driving around in their garage protected vehicles. Only because I envy them, of course... some day it will be me....
Anyway, the snow makes me want to curl up in my cozy-mozies (a Cat word meaning: comfy jammies and slippers), drink some hot yummy drink like apple cider or hot chocolate and camp out on the couch and watch Netflix.
But alas, life happens.... if it isn't school, then it's church. Yesterday, it was church. After kicking Ben out of bed TWICE, we all managed to get ready and head out for the 9:00 service. It's always hard when we get the early time slot, I much prefer the 11:00 time... We got there just in time, and found an empty pew, YAY! The boys were surprisingly good. Even Ben managed to stay awake... it could have been the fact that I did the Happy Dance in front of the whole congregation... I really did too, ask anyone!
Everything seemed to be going smoothly until halfway through the first class after the Sacrament Meeting. Ben was teaching Gospel Doctrine, and I was sitting there with baby Jake who was starting to fuss. So I put him on the floor to stretch out... he LOVES that. Not even 2 minutes went by when I heard him (Jake NOT Ben) pass some serious gas. Then I heard this bubbling sound... then something sounded suspiciously squishy... I was just about to investigate, when Sam's primary teacher snuck in looking frazzled. Oh, Boy!
I picked up the baby, and felt something squish between my fingers. Oh. My. Gosh! He had pooed EVERYWHERE! Talk about the blow out of blow outs!!! I grabbed him with one hand on an ankle and the other around the wrist and started hauling him out. Jake thought this was great fun, like it was some kind of game. I on the other hand, got looks of great sympathy from the other parents... we've all been there...
After telling Sam's teacher that I would be down when I could, I made a mad dash to the mother's lounge. I laid little guy down on a blanket the floor... I knew this had to be a floor job, not the changing table, because I needed to be able to run into the adjoining bathroom if I needed to. It took me a couple minutes to undress him, it was like a puzzle trying to figure out how to get him out of a poopy onsie... I had to be creative and clever! When I finally got him out, I reached into my diaper bag and pulled out the wipes... this was going to be at least a 7 wipe job. So you can imagine my utter dismay when I discovered I only had ONE wipe left! The diaper gods were NOT smiling down on me... they were laughing hysterically! Then I remembered that there is a little basket behind one of the chairs stuffed with extra diapers and wipes for moms like me. I swear I heard the heavens singing when I saw the extra box of wipes...
It was empty.
Just my luck.
It was at this point that a friend of mine came out of one of the stalls. I quickly asked her if she could spare some wipes. She had some in the car and rushed out to get me some. But Jake was getting fussy and upset because he was sporting a rather nasty diaper rash and couldn't wait.
So making a quick choice, I decided that there was only one option left. Not very classy, but necessary. I grabbed little guy and we dashed into the bathroom. I sat him with his dirty diaper still on, on the side of the sink. I turned on the water, got a bunch of paper towels and started washing him off. I cleaned poo out his little arm pits, neck folds, and his hair! It was gross...
My friend got back with the wipes just in time for the main event! The wipes were a little frozen, but I think little guy liked the coldness on his ouchie bum. Luckily, I was able to salvage his pants, most of the action happened in the onsie. Unluckily, I didn't bring an extra... so much for being prepared! So little guy was sporting his macho-biker-dude look bare chested with blue jeans. No one seemed to care, they knew there was only one reason he would be dressed that way.
Now there was Sam... and I was NOT in the mood. I got down to the primary room just as Sam was gearing up to pull another stunt. He saw me. He saw the look on my face. And he KNEW he was going to get it.
"Samuel," I said in my scary-mom voice. "This is unacceptable. Get your little butt back in class, sit in your seat and behave. If they have to come get me again, I am sending Dad."
Without a word, he turned on his heel and march back into class, found his seat, sat and stayed --- looking rather chastised I might add. I think it was the daddy threat that did the trick. His teacher was really impressed. I told her not to let Sam manipulate her and talk to him like you mean business. "He understands a whole lot more than you think." I told her.
Needless to say, he was good the rest of the time.
As for the baby... I passed him onto Ben for the last hour where he gifted him with another blowout... Just spreading the wealth.