Thursday, October 6, 2011

On a Crusade!

One thing I hate about living in student housing, is that just when you make friends and get to know people, they graduate and move away.  Friends come and go like seasons here in Utah, and it can be a little frustrating. I was laying in bed this morning, couldn't go to sleep because the baby was singing to loud in his room (yeah, not a crier, he sings instead -- really weird), and I felt this overwhelming sense of loneliness come over me.  At first I was a little confused, then I realized that since Ben is hardly ever home, most all my friends moved away, I was feeling lonely for adult companionship.  No one calls me anymore unless they need or want something... and that's depressing in itself.  I can't remember the last time a friend called just to see how I was doing.

So what is a girl to do?

My answer?  Find new friends!

Normally, I make friends pretty easy.  I am a fairly easy going, friendly person... but I think my happy-go-lucky attitude (that is totally real, by the way) puts people on their guard because they think I am being fake.  Not true.  I really am a happy person, most of the time.  I have been having a hard time connecting with people who live around me and other Army or ROTC wives.  I can't figure it out... do I have bad breath or something?  Maybe I have beady eyes that look untrustworthy.... Or it could be one of the following things:

1.  My age.  I am at least 5 years older than most of the women around, I think, and most of the time more.  Age can be a huge turn off for some people.  Something I don't understand because I get along with people of all ages!

2.  I have 3 kids.  For college kids that can be a bit overwhelming.  I overheard one single college girl say to her friend that married people only want to be single people's friend when they are looking for a babysitter... I thought that was a little judgmental, but I can also see in many cases how it could be true.  I don't ask people to sit for me anymore, I get turned down so often that now... well, it's just embarrassing.

3.  I'm fat.  I don't mean to pull the fat card, but people can be really shallow when it comes to hanging around other people that are slightly overweight to say the least.  Sad, but true.  SO been there.

4.  I have an opinion on everything.  I can't help it!  My parents taught me to think for myself and make my own conclusions.  I also have tact, though, and there are certain topics I never touch with friends:  politics, religion, and Twilight.  Unless they bring it up first and I know they feel the same way, I just zip my lips.  But what people don't understand, is that it is okay to disagree with me, I don't take it personally, we all have different views.  Once I asked my husband why people were afraid of me and my opinions and didn't like to disagree.  He told me that I tend to say things not like they are my opinion but that they are fact and if you disagree then you are an idiot.  Well, then... I have no intention of making people feel that way at all!  Maybe I should have been a lawyer....

5.  I am a small town girl.  Small town people are used to everyone knowing their business so we really don't mind sharing whatever with people... some people think that's weird and it turns them off.  I ALWAYS know within 5 minutes of talking to someone if they are from a small town.  Small town folk like to share things... that's just how we are!  It's funny when I get on Facebook, all my small town friends have long status updates and are frequent, my city friends are always short and sweet and to the point and they never give more details than are necessary.

6.  I am a goof.  I normally have a really dry sense of humor, but no one could tell when I was joking and they always thought I was serious.  So I trained myself to laugh at all my jokes so people would know when I was being funny.  I think it can get annoying, because I hardly ever take stuff too seriously...

So that I have analyzed some of the reasons I have been scaring potential friends away having a tough time making and keeping friends, I have to balance out this post by sharing some of my virtues:  I am a loyal friend, I keep secrets, I don't gossip, I am trusting and not too judgmental (unless the safety of me and/or my family is concerned then I make "good" judgments), I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.  I am giving and willing to share the things I have with my friends.  I am a good listener and I give more than I take.  I would take all my friends out to lunch everyday of the week if we could afford it!  (Drives Ben crazy...) I never, ever bash my friends or talk about them behind their backs... you will never see a post on here or anywhere online where I say mean things about people around me.  Heck, I even had a hard time picking on Sam's teacher in my post yesterday.  I like to see the good in people, because we all have it... we all deserve a couple chances in life.  And I will always admit when I am wrong and apologize... great friendships aren't worth losing over petty stupid things like pride.  If people can't get over those superficial things I mentioned above, then they aren't friend material.  But it's still sad... so many great-friend possibilities just wasted because of shallowness...

Who knows what great adventures every potential friendship brings?  Life is no fun without friends to take along for the ride!  Right now, though, I feel like I am riding the coaster solo... and it's not too fun... roller coasters can't reach their maximum speed potential with only one rider -- they need the weight to get the momentum.

So for the rest of the year, I am on a crusade to make new great friends... Fingers crossed, wish me luck!

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4 comments:

Bridget said...

Good luck Cat! I miss being able to let the kids play on the playground and having other great moms to talk to. It's nice to have our own space, but it can feel lonely sometimes. Can you imagine what stay-at-home-moms did without the internet to reach out to others? I've thought a lot about what a huge blessing technology has been in my life in maintaining friendships and not feeling so lonely. You're awesome and keep it up!

freckles and rouge. said...

I love that you are open enough to share your virtues AND your faults. And don't worry, friends will come, especially after college is over. Then you have less of a "dude, it's college!!" attitude and more of a "I have a family" attitude. At least that's what I've found. Good luck!

kara
www.frecklesandrouge.com

Allison said...

Good luck! I am kind of in the same boat as you except in my case, I was the one to move away from all my friends. I thought it would be so easy to make friends in this big city because there's so many people. But I'm finding it's harder to find friends here than in the college town we were living in before.

Morhia said...

I totally understand! I am from a small town and have moved to another small town then another then two cities somewhere in between. My husband joined the service this year and I am 34 and he is 32. I have three close friends and many that are friends while some I just know, ya know. I have know one of my best friends since I was two. The other two I met four years ago and will be moving from here next fall. Scary because I worry that I too will be lonely. I tell all the details of my life and realize I do it because I come from where everyone knows anyway. Not true in city life and I get what you are saying. I too am oppionated and have to catch myself from frightning friends off too. I give so much all of the time. All my close friends do. My kids are old enough that they do babysitting and my daughter never says no. She loves to babysit. I wish you luck and hope that you find someone that you can keeo it reak with there and not have to be fake to stay friends! Good Luck and many prayers for you too.