Sometimes we dig our own holes. That's the bummer part of free choice, is that we have to the right to make our own decisions, but we don't get to pick the consequences, good or bad. And sometimes our trials come at us because of other people's choices -- this really bites because no matter what you do, you can't take away anyone's agency, and sometimes we and others suffer for the choices of people we care about and even sometimes people we don't know or really don't like. Then there are the trials that life throws at us just because it's life! These can be really frustrating because we often wonder, what the heck did I do to deserve this!!! Most people blame God. Some blame their own failings and imperfections. Me? I just throw tantrums and cry a lot. I get grumpy. And I lash out at people. So when I go through these things, I hide in my house and stay away from friends so I don't mistreat them in my dark mood.
Some of you may have noticed a difference in me the past month or two. My posts have been mostly lame and I have been late or really late on posting my Fat Butt Friday updates. Motivation to do anything is hard to come by when life dumps on you big time. And this last month or two we have had so many stressful trials happen in our lives that sometimes it was really hard to have hope that things would eventually work out for the best.
Then about 2 weeks ago, when I thought things just couldn't get any worse and I was sobbing on my bed, suddenly a thought came to me. Cat, I said to myself, you have no control over what is going on. So you have two choices. First, you can sit around and cry and curse life for feeling cheated and put yourself into a depression and withdrawal from the world. OR you can get up, and force yourself to pull out of this. You can come out worse than before, OR you can choose to come out stronger, wiser, and a better person for going through this and coming out on top. No matter what, YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE! Make it!
And I did.
It was hard, and it took me a couple weeks to pull myself out of this hole of darkness I found myself. I decided I was going to learn from this, realize I can't control others or many situations, but I can choose how I am going to react and live despite the trials. I did an emotional up-hill climb (and believe me, pregnancy hormones make it rough!), and then yesterday morning when I woke up I felt different.
It took me a few minutes to realize what was different. I was happy. And even though the trials didn't change, everything is still happening around me, my attitude had.
I had hope.
For the first time in a long time, I could feel the warmth of the light at the end of the tunnel and I just KNEW that no matter what, if I keep pressing forward and keep a good attitude, and work for it, that everything WAS going to be all right!
I love walking with a bounce in my step again, and feeling like I could take on the world. I feel like me once more, except different somehow, maybe a little stronger... or a little bit wiser.
And best of all. Everything is going to be all right. I just know it!