Saturday, November 13, 2010

Formal Stress

I know most of you know that I have been having major anxiety about this Military Ball tonight.  And it isn't just because I feel like a whale, either.

I have been stressing out for a few reasons:

1.  I am almost 6 months pregnant and hormonal.  I am entitled to be stressed.

2.  I feel weird going to a formal.  I haven't been to one since the 90's... oh, my gosh, that SO dates me!  Things have changed in 10 plus years and I feel too old to be dressing up and heading out into a night filled of fancy dresses and bow ties.  I know in other states, especially back east, formals are more common.  But here in Utah?  Not so much.  People in the west are a lot more casual, if you know what I mean.  Most girls would LOVE to dress up and go to a "ball" -- I don't think it matters how old you are, we all want to feel like Cinderella every once in a while.  But, Cinderella wasn't knocked up... and for some reason the baby bump seems to suck some of the fun out of the whole thing.  Have I mentioned how hard it is to find a modest, formal, maternity dress that is affordable?!  It was a nightmare!!!  And I actually had to just settle for a little black number, and jazz it up with a fancy necklace and earrings.

3.  I am afraid of looking like one of those old ladies trying to look young.  Believe me, I shopped around for some jewels in the big girl stores, and they were WAY out of my budget!!!  So today, Nephi and I rolled into Claire's at the mall.  You know the place, the one the tweens go to look and feel older, and the teenagers go to get all dolled up for whatever event they are headed to.  The place where you RARELY see rolly-polly pregnant ladies shopping -- for themselves!  I felt clueless and out of date as I looked at necklaces and matching earrings.  I almost started crying.  Great that's all I needed, to have a melt down in teeny-bopper central.  Thankfully, there was an employee that saw the grief written all over my face and came over and helped me pick out a few things.  I even found a matching purse in the clearance section.  Score!

4.  Getting Ben's Class A's (Military Formals) ready has me fit to be committed!  He had to take it to the dry cleaners to get cleaned and pressed.  So all his pins and ribbons came off... like 30 + of them!!  And guess who has to put them back on?  Give you a hint:  Not Mr. Who-is-Never-EVER-Home.  Me!  I got out all his guides, and had to sort through what he could and couldn't wear for the ROTC from his unit and so on.  I had to learn how to read the "Military Ruler" with a VERY confusing 1/8 mark that isn't a mark at all but an edge!  And I still can't decide if he wears his Engineering Castles on the lapel or the ROTC torches.  I prefer the castles... he EARNED them!  But I think we are going to have to stick to the torches.  Stress!  But I think I did it alright, because it passed inspection last night from a picky husband after a long debate whether or not the unit merit ribbon goes 1/4th or an 1/8th of an inch above the right pocket seam.  I won.  HA-HA.  I love being right!

5.  And last but not least.  I am afraid of being the oldest, fattest woman there.  I been having these nightmares that people see me and start talking behind my back.  Saying things like: "What does he see in HER!" or "Oh, my gosh!  I would never come to a formal pregnant!  What is she thinking!"  or even just "Poor guy stuck with THAT!"  Now, don't get me wrong, I am not fishing for complements... just feeling pregnant!  I know people probably won't think that, or most likely, they'll be so busy worrying about themselves, that I won't be noticed.  But you know how it is, when you have the bump you get self-conscience to the extreme!  Then having Mr. Too-Honest-for-his-Own-Good as a husband doesn't help!  This morning, and I know he is going to kill me for mentioning this, but we had the following discussion:

Ben:  I am so excited for tonight!

Me:  I am too... just a little anxious about it.

Ben:  Why?

Me:  Hello!  I am almost 30 years old, fat and ugly and about to be paraded around with a bunch of girls just out of high school in fancy formals!  Yeah, I am feeling a little stressed.

Ben:  Well, this will make you feel better!  (At this point I should have just run out of the room, because I could almost literally see Ben's foot getting ready to go right in that mouth of his!)  At least you won't be the fattest and ugliest because Cadet So-and-So's wife is going to be there!

That was suppose to make me feel better!

Me:  RUDE!!!

Ben: What!?  You have to admit that she's not much of a looker!

Me:  It's not that!  It's the fact that you are saying I will be the 2nd fattest and ugliest!!

Ben:  Well, it's better than being the first!

If I didn't know him so well, I might have cried.  But I know he was TRYING to be nice... it was just very poorly executed.  Gone are the days when men would just say:  "You'll be the prettiest girl there!"  Besides, I know he was mostly messing with me, I think he got sick of me whining and complaining.  In all fairness, I probably deserved it.  Oh, well.  Good thing my sense of humor is still intact!

So tonight, I will take plenty of pictures, and then I'll let you, my dear friends decide for yourself if I win the ugly prize!



Ana said...

Heh, every Navy ball I've been to has been filled with older women wearing prom dresses. Very funny. Plenty of people looking classy, too, but a pregnant person is not that weird - it's the hooker looking chicks that get the talking about. Seriously, hopefully you are having a great time! It isn't at all about the other people there; it's about how you and your hubby enjoy it. And I sure hope they serve you your meal - the first ball we went to there was a buffet line. Eek, so not my idea of formal...

Jennilyn said...

Way after the fact, but I hope you had a fun night. The thrift stores out here in Maryland are loaded with classy, great styled formals. If I had found your blog earlier, I could have sent you something!

When I am feeling self-conscious, I remember I AM his trophy-wife. He chose me. We are a good team, and when I feel confident, I can tell that helps our relationship. Be bold. Know that you've got something nobody else has--your Mr.

You have a beautiful family and being brave and having children is what really matters. Hang in there! You are a great writer-I love reading what you have to say. Hugs!