Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Imaginary Intruder

Last night I was pretty sure someone was trying to break in the Nutshell.

There were several contributing factors to my over-imagination, so I feel that my foolishness was a little, just a little warranted.

1.  Ben is gone for a few weeks training.
2.  I get a little loopy when I am woken up in the middle of the night, and I tend add a little of my dreams to the waking world.


3.  Nighttime is a little scary anyway when you're alone!  (two little guys sleeping soundlessly in the next room don't count.)

We live on a bottom floor apartment and open windows in the night are a must without AC or a swamp cooler.  It has always made me a little nervous too, even when Ben isn't home.  It isn't like we have a trove of treasures here begging to be burgled.  There is no neon arrow pointing to our place blinking "come take our stuff our windows are opened!"

And in the day time, I know it's silly to think that there may be bad guys lurking in the night waiting for me to go to bed so they can come rip off our dishwasher on wheels, my duct-taped jogging stroller, or even, heaven forbid, my paperback collection of Clive Cussler favorites.  And no body better come messing with my kiddos!

You never know what kind of sickos are out there!

Especially ones that may be hiding in the graveyard across the street at night... just waiting for an opportunity.

Well, I have a surprise for those ill-meaning nasties.  I have a weapon.  It leaves right next to my bed.  I have it so well disguised that I even let my kids play with it every so often.  Yep, that's right!  I wield a super mean MagLight.  Don't laugh.  Seriously, you don't grow up the daughter of a cop and not come out with super self defense moves!  You would be amazed at the damage you can do with one of those things!  My dad bought it for me when I got my first job that I would work nights, and I have had it ever since.

Ben used to tease me about it...

Until he almost got it when he sneaked up on me when I was in bed one night and I thought he wasn't home.


He doesn't laugh now.

In fact, he tells me all the time that he feels safer leaving us knowing I sleep next to my flashlight.

So last night, with my windows opened, Ben gone, and not sleeping so soundly, something woke me from sleep about 3:30 AM.  What was it I thought?  Then I sniffed.  There was an smell in the air...

It smelled like...


I grabbed my MagLight and started sneaking around the apartment.  I could smell it everywhere.... where was it coming from?  I was totally convinced that there was a bad guy in my house that just recently brushed his teeth.  Images started flashing through my head, and I pictured myself capturing a burglar because I could smell his toothpaste.  I mean, seriously, who does that?  When has having good oral hygiene been the downfall of a crime?

I sneaked around the house and checked all the windows.  Nothing looked tampered with... but maybe he was clever.  So I looked in all the dark corners and closets.  Nope.  MAYBE, he was lurking outside and breathing through the windows, and the fans were spreading the smell.  So I tip-toed outside and made the rounds.  Nope.  Nobody.

Well, if I don't have a bad guy with fresh breath in my house, then where is that blasted toothpaste smell coming from?

I went back to my room.

The smell was gagging me.  It was just so strong!  I lay down on my bed and turned towards Ben's side, when it hit me!  Not the idea, yet, but the smell!  It was Ben's pillow!!!  And I had been laying on it!

This is what happened:

Ben had gone to sleep a few nights ago right after he had brushed his teeth.  Now, as much as they hate to admit it, men drool when they sleep, face it.  And Ben did a number on his pillow.  It dried.  Last night in my sleep I rolled over and pressed my face there, the smell strong.  Now, you are probably wondering how I could smell it all over the house and outside?  Well, the smell stuck to my upper lip.

As soon as I went in, washed my face, and banished the offending pillow, I was able to sleep in peace.  So much for bad guys with good oral hygiene...


BUT you never know what tonight will bring. I am thinking of going to Home Depot and getting some dowels to stick in the windows and help me to feel a little safe from those imaginary intruders...


Andrea said...

I love you, Catherine! Your posts always make me smile. You have an imagination like mine. Anytime my husband is gone, I can't sleep and I'm SURE every little sound in my house is a burglar or worse. Maybe I need to get me one of those flashlights. :)

Amy said...

LOL! That's hilarious! I can just picture you doing the mission impossible thing, theme music and all, searching for the intruder :)

Anonymous said...

enjoyed visiting your site, great job

citymouse said...

Too funny. Those are the types of things that get me going too.

Stopping by from SITS.