Sammy: You are almost 5 years old. I am sick of wiping your butt. You will learn to go on the potty this week or your dear mother will die trying! And after day one, I almost did just that!
Nephi: You'll be 3 next week, and you are SO READY to make this step... all your little friends have, and I am not going to cater to you anymore! I don't care how often you scream: "NO MOMMY!!! I HATE THE POTTY!" You are going to learn how to use it you little turd. And don't even think that flailing arms, kicking legs, and hands grabbing onto doorways is going to stop me from setting you on that seat!
I wish you kids would just understand the process... Sammy, I know you have mastered numero uno, but dear, sweet boy, poop belongs in the potty too! PLEASE understand that! I just don't understand what part of "poop belongs in the potty" you don't understand...
Nephi, I love you, but PLEASE stop holding it in until the diaper goes back on. Just give me one little tinkle and I will be able to sleep tonight... just a few drops to show me that you care...
I have done all that I can to make potty time a happy place. I mean HELLO, nothing says your mommy loves you like Thomas the Train toilet seat!
Have I told you how much I love potty training two wiggly little guys at the same time? It is such a joy. I just love to sit by the potty all day with a timer. I get serious jollies out of forcing my kids out of play every 30 minutes to sit in "cold booty timeout."
Just call me the Potty Nazi.