Monday, March 29, 2010

The Tight Squeeze

Do you know that feeling when your kids are begging for fish crackers, you pull down the bag to give them some (much better than alternative treats) and realize there are only 2 fish left swimming on the bottom of the bag...

You look back over to the little faces looking up at you like you are the hero of the world, eyes lit up in hope to get a bit of fishy yumminess. And your heart falls because you know without looking that it was the last bag, and fits were about to ensue.

"Hmmm... how about a banana instead?"

"NO! Fishies!" they yell in unison.

"How about a Go-Gurt?"

"Nooooooo!! Fishies!!!"

You give up.

"There are no more fish, guys. Look!" Here is when you show them that they are nearly all gone. The oldest quickest one then shoves his hand in the bag, grabs the last two, and shoved them in his mouth before the little one can even blink.

Then comes the crying and hitting and I am reminded once again why I love being a mom.

This is actually a common scene here in the Nutshell. How about your place? Ever happen to you? Probably not, YOU most like remember to keep Fish in stock... right? RIGHT?!

Yeah, well, I guess I tend to fall in the "Few fish short of a school" category when it comes to keeping my place well stocked with important items like Fish Crackers.

Well, luck has it, we live within driving distance of a Pepperidge Farm Factory with a thrift store attached.  Now, don't be confused with the "thrift store" title of the store.  I had some fear the first time I heard it called that. I thought of "used" fish... or at least fish that had fallen on the floor of the factory and were saved by the 10 second rule, only to be whisked away to the thrift store because they weren't "clean" enough to be packaged for sale and shipped to Wal-Mart.

I like to call it an "outlet" instead.  Because basically, if bags of fish don't met the exact weight they are sent to be sold there.  They also have bags of imperfect cookies and boxes of stuffing and other random stuff.  The thing I like the best about the Pepperidge Farm store is that every time you go they have different things... just too cool.  Not to mention that the prices are really cheap.  Last week they were selling their bags of fish crackers for 89 cents a bag!  Yippy!

AND they have free samples to try... YUM!

So last week when we ran out of dear fishes, and I had sent Sam off on the school bus, Nephi and I jumped in the car and headed off to one of our favorite little stores.  When we got there, I was a little surprised to see two senior citizen buses parked out front.  If we hadn't made the 20 min drive to get there, I would have turned around right then, but I knew that little place had to be packed!  It was a little store and I could barely navigate around with a cart in the first place.  But Nephi had his hopes up, and I really did need to stock up for the next couple weeks, so we parked and went on in.

"Packed" was an understatement.  I am talking one big can of sardines in there.  We could barely get through the doors, and I even turned to escape but Nephi ran through legs and took off towards the free sample table, and I quickly lost him in the crowd of very, VERY old people.

Now, I love old people.  I really do.  But being so close to any body wasn't a joy in itself, but being tangled in a mass of wheel chairs, walkers, and that smell that only old people who live in nursing homes have... well, it was just more than I could bear... almost.

I grabbed a basket, determined to get through it all.  Finding Nephi, we made our way to the fish cracker section, filled the basket, and then set off to find the end of the line.  Just as we did, and it took awhile because it snaked around the store a few times, and I thought we could breathe for a moment, Nephi pooped.

That's right.  He totally filled his diaper right there in the hot, very crowded store, and there was NOTHING I could do about it.  It was a bad one too... and to make things worse, Nephi felt he needed to announce it.

"POOP!!!!!   POOP!!!!!"

I tried to shush him up with crackers and promises of a changing when we get to the car... but he was adamant about letting every one know what he had done.  At least at first.  When he got bored he started to blame the old guy in front of us by pointing at him and yelling "POOP!"  Now THAT was embarrassing!!!!

After many apologies and a 30 minute wait in the crowded room with Mr. Poopy Pants, we FINALLY got to the check out.  I couldn't wait to get out and change that diaper of Nephi's because I could hardly breathe it was so strong....

So we paid and hurried out to the car.  When we got there, I was shocked when the smell was gone and I discovered that Nephi wasn't poopy at all!!

"I thought you pooped, Nephi!  Were you tooting?"  I asked him.

"No!!  Grandpa poop!" He told me and pointed to the Senior citizen bus pulling out.

I seriously wanted to gag.  Oh my gosh, I had be breathing that air for 30 minutes!!!  Oh.... gross....!!!!

I don't think I can ever eat again... at least until dinner... It's amazing what a mom will do for her kids, though.  As much as my stomach was curling, I was feeling a bit heroic to brave the old gang so my kiddos would have their yummy fishies.  Super mom material, you know.

...And to think that out there somewhere may be an old guy blogging about how he was saved from embarrassment by blaming a 2 year old... life is funny, isn't it?  

PS -- You got to admit, though, it was very clever... I may have to use that one someday when I am old and geezerly!


A Reminder to my Guest Writers:  I need your posts emailed to me by Wednesday, please.  Thanks!


Anonymous said...

when I was pregnant I had horrible, horrible gas, but I also worked at a nursing home and my elderly patients would take the blame when I let out an SBD--bad, I know, but the worst part is that I usually got stuck listening to everyone else complain about it 'behind the person's back' about how bad it stunck all because they didn't know it was me--gave me great insight into what type of people I was working with

I can't tell you how much harder my co-workers had to work though because of that, and I do feel bad, but....I wasn't going to claim them till I had to

The Mom said...

Awesome story!

I have gas...big time. Always have. Chocolate makes it worse, but there is NO WAY I am giving up chocolate! I loved when my kids were little and I would accidently let one slip at the grocery store. I would say, "Oh, did you poop?" and make a big show of checking their diapers. LOL Now they are teenagers and totally call me on it!

Otter Thomas said...

Great story. Hilarious and disgusting. That old man knows what all us new dads learn quickly. Blame it on the baby.

You love old people? Seriously? I live in retirement friendly area. It is all I can do to not suffer fits of road rage and attack 10 old people a day. They really are a hazard to my safety.

Anonymous said...

Very funny post!! You write very well. You know we will all be there someday except those that, well you know....the alternative.

Amy said...

LOL!! That is too funny! Always nice when you can blame someone else..:)