Monday, February 22, 2010

When People get Jealous...

You guys know me. I am not a vicious person. I don't get upset at people or offended very easily, and if I get jealous of someone, I don't take it out on them -- I consider jealously a personal problem. That's right, there are only 3 people that have any right to deal with my personal jealousies of others: Me, Myself, and I.

But let's speak honestly here. We are know that there are MANY people out there who like to blame there own problems and failures on others. In some twisted way, it makes them feel better about themselves -- which is totally ironic, because it isn't true happiness anyway! Just some twisted form of counterfeit satisfaction.

When I was single, it was hard for me to see all my friends finding love and getting married. Sometimes it just didn't seem fair, but would I hate them for it? No way! I was ultimately happy for them and just keep my head up knowing my time would come someday...

When I was almost 300 pounds and I saw all these people losing weight on TV or in real life, of course I was jealous! I wanted that to be me! But did I hate them for their success? No, that would be silly! Why should I hate someone else for succeeding where I have failed? ME, I failed!

So when I am on the recipient end of that jealously and hate, I find myself surprised and hurt. What did I do, except find happiness, that is so blasted wrong? And I am NOT sorry that my successes have ticked a few people off. Too bad for them. I am sorry that they feel like channeling their baggage toward me though. What a waste of energy!

When I was engaged to Ben, it all happened so fast. We both knew we were going to get married after our first date, and thanks to our chatty busybody moms (we love you guys!)our courtship was rushed pretty fast. Two weeks from our first date we were engaged and three weeks later were married! I know I have mentioned this before, but this is a heads up for my newer readers.

About a week before we tied the knot, one of my "acquaintances" approached me and said in a sickly sweet voice, "You know when people get married so fast, it's usually for only one reason..." She nodded towards my stomach and then walked off. Now, normally this wouldn't be that big of a deal, but for someone who lived in a small town getting ready to be married in a Mormon temple, it was not only rude but it was a HUGE slap in the face.

Luckily, no one believed her rumor that she started spreading and it died out quick. Besides, it turned out she wanted to go out with Ben and he never asked her. That really made her mad, and she lashed out at me. All I have to say about that is: Life is hard, deal with it.

Now the reason for this post. I usually let the sleeping dogs of the past lie, but something happened to me the other day that drug these feeling right back up to the surface.

I may not live in a small town anymore, but Ben and I are still a huge part of it. Mainly because we are related to practically everyone there. People think they are safe to say stuff about us and we'll never hear about it because we live 5 hours away. As my dear hubby would say: "Wrong-o Bongo!" I found out that someone was saying that I only lost weight because I hardly ate anything at all. Basically, that I was starving myself. This really hurt my feelings! I worked SO HARD! Can't people just be happy for me? And HELLO, if I was starving myself, would I be bragging about my loss so much? Duh, people.

I should have known that people would talk, though. I should have known better. Any time any of us will have a big success in our lives, we will always find jealous people coming out of the wood works sooner or later. Years ago when I was in college I lost about 30 pounds and someone from that town told people that I only ate lettuce. Luckily, I tracked down the source and gave him a piece of my mind.

I think jealously is one of the most petty, nonconstructive emotions that we can have. Am I saying it doesn't happen to me? No way! I get jealous all the time. But I never take it out on others, I just plain get over it. I have learned to love myself and deal with what the good Lord has blessed me with! THAT keeps me happy, and satisfied with my life.

Nor am I a hoarder of happiness. I love to share it!! Nothing makes me feel better than to help a friend! Sure I have changed, sure it has annoyed a few people, and I am only a little sorry for that. But the only things that have changed about me are my confidence, my spirits, and my looks. Losing weight has hardly changed who I am. I am still Cat, forever and always!

So my advice for any of you who may be suffering from that Green Monster of Envy, instead of blaming others, take a good look at yourself... and change the things you don't like you are seeing. Sure there are things we can't change, but if we concentrate on the things we can, everything else just falls into place. I don't have control of Ben's Army training schedule, but I do have control over what goes in my mouth and how I treat my body, know what I mean? So trust me when I say, not only will you be happier, but people will like you a whole lot better too and you will love yourself! And if you need some help, just ask for it!

Optional Comment topic: Have you been the object of jealously?


Amber Lynae said...

First, off I will say I would be lying if I said i wasn't jealous of your weight-loss. But I would never wish you not lose weight, I am more like you I realize that my jealousy is more of an indication that I am upset with myself for failing... so I have to deal with myself. I also find your weight-loss motivating. So I don't know what the line between jealous and motivation is. But I try not to let jealous cause me to be ill willed toward anyone. I am also extremely happy for people who have mastered their temptations and learned to live a happy healthy lifestyle. I think it is great.

One of my most hurtful memories of being the focus of jealousy was at girl's camp when a group of girls who were supposed to be my friends spread rumors about me and my dating habits. It hurt and I actually had girls stop talking to me because of the rumors.

Andrea said...

Cat-you amaze me. I love the way you say things. I work really hard not to let jealousy overtake me, it's hard sometimes. . . . I am SUPER proud of you (and impressed) for your weight loss-you HAVE worked hard and you deserve it!! :) I'm so glad you don't let the green monster control you. Have a great week!

Mama Nut said...

Oh, you can be "nice" jealous of me any time! LOL.

Amanda said...

Thanks for posting this. You handled the situation much better than I did a while back.
A bunch of people who were stuck in terrible marriages were spreading a bunch of crazy rumors that my husband locked me inside while he was at work, monitored my phone calls, etc... and I totally blew it. On all of them.
Why can't people accept other people's happiness, whether it be weight loss, happy marriages, good kids, etc...

You are an example to us all.