Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Another Day in the Life of Sam

My name is Man. Sam the Man. I am a secret agent and my suspensions were confirmed today, that my mom is not human. In fact, I am pretty sure she is of the alien variety. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom. But she is so weird! This morning, at approximately 08:00 hours (that's Buzz Light Year talk) I was going about my usual business, trying to reverse engineer the odious child gate, when my mom vanished into the bathroom only to reappear in a fuzzy pink robe and a green face! I am not kidding! It's a good thing I am a mature kid of three years, and acted quickly without delay. I recognized the danger, and hurriedly pushed my little brother, Nephi, into our bedroom shutting us inside. We were safe, for the moment. I had to act fast. I knew my mom would get suspicious in a moment. She didn't like us playing with the door shut. Typical mom, always sticking her nose in our business.

"What are you guys doing in there?" I heard her call through the door. She then tried to open it. But I flung my body against the door pushing her out. That was a close one. I could hear her laughing evilly through the door. "Do you think I look scary?" She asked. I didn't answer, but Nephi yelled, "YES!" The big mouth. Show off. He thinks he is so cool because he can say more words then me. But I am a thinker. Thinkers are much better then talkers. I glared at Nephi for giving us away. He just stared back with a stupid look on his face -- toddlers! They just don't seem to get it.

I laid down on the floor and looked under the door. I could see my mom walking around. She went back into the bathroom and I heard the shower turn on. I waited. Finally, she came out. I peeked open the door. Relief flooded through me when I saw she was back to normal. Close call!

I was really happy when the school bus came to get me. They only take smart kids. That's why Nephi can't come. Ha Ha! Let me tell you about Nephi. I love him, but he is a real pain in the diaper! The biggest narc I know (a.k.a. tattle tale). Yet, at times he does have his... uses. No one makes a better decoy then Nephi. And he always gives me an alibi when I need one. But more times then not, I can't do anything without Nephi telling on me (always the obedient one -- how ironic is that? Nephi the Obedient). Like today for example. I just wanted to see how much weight the curtains in the front room could take! Could I swing from them?... nope. I was just too heavy, the curtain rod broke and the curtains feel down. No big deal. But Nephi, the sour milk in my sippy cup, had to cry out: "Naughty Sam! Naughty Sam! Mommy!" And of course, I get in trouble!

Time out is really no big deal -- unless Nephi is standing there starring at me... mocking me. I quietly slip off the time-out chair and hit Nephi as hard as I can. Take that little bro! Then I jump back onto the chair before mom comes in to investigate. I was so smooth, there is no way she'll know it was me.... What? She does know!! How the...??!!

See what I mean? She could not possibly come from this planet. She always knows... I think she can see through walls... that has to be it! I'll solve this mystery, you'll see. They don't call me a secret agent for nothing you know!

This is Sam the Man signing off!


Our Family said...

Sam the man,

Your posts always crack me up! Don't forget. Your mama always has the force!

Always a Southern Girl said...

Loving this post!! Thanks so much for bringing laughter to my heart! :-)

Jill said...

Oh Sam the Man. His antics always bring a smile to my face.