Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Why I Deserve My Kids

Has your mother ever told you she couldn't wait until you had kids of your own and hoped they acted just like you!! Oh, come on, we have all heard that line! It's the parent version of: "What goes around comes around." or just plain Karma. I used to sass back and say: "Then my kids would be so cool if they were like me!" Neener, neener, Mom! Take that!

Let's just say, I never took into account the fact that I may mature over the course of 20 years, and hopefully, I still wouldn't be my "cool" eight year old self. Luckily, fate was kind to me and now I am a woman with kids of my own and thinking far differently than I did at eight. However, my kids are another story all together.

I am pretty sure my parents chuckle as they lay in bed at night and think of me getting my fair share of naughtiness from my own kids. Yeah, I probably deserve it too. Why? Well, let me give you a few reasons why I deserve to have my kids.

Reason #1: The Pennies
When I was about eight years old, my dad took me with him to get our car fixed. As we walked into the garage, my greedy (not to be confused with "beady") little eyes noticed a quarter on the ground. Of course I am going to go for it! What self respecting eight-year old wouldn't? There was only one problem that I quickly discovered. The quarter was glued to the floor! Who does that!? My dad thought it was hilarious and laughed his head off at my expense.

The idea of the glued quarter always stuck with me. And one summer I thought it would be too funny to glue a few pennies to my sidewalk in front of the house and see who stopped and tried to pick them up from the safety of my house. So out I went with pennies and glue, and then went in the house and my sister and I camped out in front of the window to wait and watch.

A couple hours later, my mom found us glued to the window laughing hysterically. She came over to see what was so funny and noticed there were a group of small children outside trying to pry the pennies off the sidewalk with no success.

Needless to say, my mom made me go out there and get them off myself and give them to the kids. My mom just had no sense of humor! Except that she really did! I have often heard her tell this story to her friends and laugh about it.

Reason #2: Handcuffs
My dad was a cop growing up and I was always fascinated with his handcuffs, what kid wouldn't be? One Christmas, "Santa" left us kids each a pair in our stockings. Now, these were the days when kid's cuffs were actually really cuffs with no safe devices... they were awesome!

Now I was the proud owner of my own set of handcuffs for about three months. Why? No, I didn't lose them. No, I didn't break them, or misplace the key. I got them taken away because I handcuffed a neighbor boy to a tree and left him there kicking and screaming. I never saw my cuffs again.

Reason #3: Rubber-band Guns
Does the very title instill fear in your heart? It should!

One Christmas, my mom gave my dad a really cool wooden rubber-band gun for kind of a silly fun gift. I LOVED this gift and thought it should have been mine. So I did what any other smarty pants would do... no, I did NOT steal it! What kind of kid do you think I was? I made my own out of scraps of wood from my dad's work shed/garage. I glued clothes line clips on it and it was perfect! It worked just as good as my dads! But making myself one wasn't enough. I had to make ALL the neighborhood kids rubber-band guns so we could have battles and stuff. What I didn't realize was that I was actually arming the kids with weapons that they were more then happy to use.

The first and last victim was the Ice Cream man. Poor guy, he didn't even see it coming -- even though the first shot was between the eyes.

My mom came around with a garbage bag and collected all the guns and chucked them in the trash. That was a sad, sad day.

Not to mention the time I popped all my mom's bath beads, peeked in all the Christmas presents, or the time I made "jam" out of my mom's fresh picked raspberries... the stories go on and on! I was a real piece of work! I was Sam, and Sam is me. I totally deserve this!

So when I am whining and complaining, I need to remember to relax and know that one day, I will be laying in my bed at night, chuckling myself to sleep because Sammy had a kid... just...like...him.

Do you deserve yours?


Our Family said...

Hahahaha! I was hoping this was coming after I read your mom's comment on your last post. Too funny! I think we all caused our parents some grief. Now we know how they felt. :o)

Tobi said...

My Mom says I was a great kid until I hit my teenage years and then I was a total brat.

My kids are totally great kids and I don't know how in the world I lucked out. BUT I'm really not looking forward to their teen years.

Barb said...

So....just when did you peek into all the Christmas presents?? You are so going to get it when you come this week. You think you are going to see Harry Potter with your Dad. You are so grounded!!!

Melanni said...

You were one adventurous kid! Although it probably caused your parents much anxiety it sounds like you were always having fun(0:

Anonymous said...

well geez what does that say about me??? i'm just gonna say it's my husband fault we're getting the paybacks ;)

Mama Nut said...

Obviously, Mom, you don't remember the spanking I got!? It happened right after I told you what dad was giving you? Although, I still think you thought it was cool that I knew what you were getting too :)

Besides, isn't there a statute of limitations on something like that?

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Those are great. I used to steal candy from the drugstore every week on my way to Primary, so I'm sure that means my own kids are pretty much jail-bound. Great.

Jill said...

I wasn't really that bad of a kid until I hit teenage years. Honestly, if my kids even do half of what I did as a teenager, I'll have to lock them up in the tallest room in the tallest tower. I'm not kidding. Thankfully though we all make it through those years and usually mature. I just wish I had known what a great mom I had back then. Just glad I know now. :)

Amber Lynae said...

lol... I don't but my husband does. Just kidding. She can be a whiner, and would have to say I was too. So I guess I had that coming back to me. Overall though, she is laid back. just needs a lot of love and attention. Of course she is only 2 and she is learning more ways to get into trouble every day.

Amy said...

That is so funny! You were quite the inventive little one, huh?

My dad always says, "Just remember, your kids will do everything you did - only three times worse."

That really scares me :-).

Single Mama NYC said...

That was hilarious! The pennies had me cracking up over here. My worst naughtiness was the Christmas I was 10 and I very cleverly undid all the tape on each of my gifts, saw what the gift was, placed the tape back exactly in the right place, then faked surprise on Christmas Day when I opened my gifts. Horrible, horrible child.

I was sassy as well, too bright for my own good. Theo is like that too already. I'm terrified to hear the things that will come out of his mouth. Probably in public. :-|

Amy said...

LOL..... LOL... oh the days!!! I remember all of that!!! Except we didn't stop at pennies... I remember having quite an assortment of coins on the sidewalk that day. Oh and the handcuffs... poor Josh.. you were so mean!!! Can't forget the time we used the lamps that grandma and grandpa brought back from Israel and told the neighbor kids that one had a genie in it. Oh the laughs when they pretended to see the genie. But hey... we were totally cool! And the rubber band guns... the ice cream man... how can one forget that! Too funny!! Oh and didn't you forget to mention the time when you told me that mom and dad were getting a divorce and the creepy guy living behind us was going to be our new dad!?!? The scars are still there Cat!!!