Monday, July 20, 2009

In Which Sammy Plays a Prank on Me and Accosts an Old Lady... Twice.

When stuff like this happens, it just isn't funny... until the next day when you think about it and have to laugh.

Yesterday was Sunday. We go to church on Sunday. Church for us is 3 hours (1 hour of sacrament meeting, and 2 hours of Sunday school and other classes). I had nightmares for 2 weeks after Ben left about everything that could go wrong with me and the boys without him there for the following reasons:

1. Sammy is a very fast runner. I am not.
2. The boys like to bicker. LOUDLY.
3. Tantrums are a common occurrence no matter where we may be.
4. Did I mention that Sammy is a fast runner?

This morning when I got up, I knew Ben was going to call. I just had this feeling! So I practically showered with my phone just in case. I carried it tucked in my bra, no pockets in my skirt, all morning... you never know...

But for some reason I put it on top of the TV while I was changing the boys into their Sunday best... which was what ever clothes were still clean from the week. Then I noticed that I couldn't find any pants for Nephi. I will just slip out and check in the dryer. Did I ever tell you our dryer is outside on the balcony? Oh, the joys of student housing! So I unlocked the back door, made sure I wouldn't get locked out, and slipped out to check the dryer. I grabbed the pants and made for the door before the boys noticed and tried to come out to play.


I tried again.


That little turd! Sammy had locked the door while I was outside! I knocked on the door.
"Sam open the door!" I called out. I knocked again. "SAM OPEN THE DOOR!"

I heard laughing. I looked to my right where the living room window was. Two little faces were pressed against the pane wearing big smiles. "Open the door, Sam!" They laughed. My anger was fueled. Then Sammy held up his hand. I gasp and I started to panic. He was holding my cell phone! The one I just knew Ben was going to call me on. He was going to call and I was going to miss it!!!!

"OPEN THE DOOR!!!" I kept pounding and pounding. The boys just laughed more. I just about lost it and started to cry when I had an idea. A brilliant idea. I slowly cupped my hand and pretended like I was eating a treat. The boys stopped laughing.

"Oh, this treat is soooooo yummy!!!" I said loudly for them to hear. It took approximately 2.2 seconds for Sam to get to the door and open it. I stormed in and he knew he was going to get it by the look on my face... I just didn't know what "it" he was going to get, but whatever "it" was "it" was going to be big!

Then the phone clutched in Sammy's hot little hand started to ring Ben's song.

Saved by the ring, little guy... but next time... well, there had just not better be a next time!

Now, I should have known that the day was cursed, and I should just go back to bed. But being the responsible parent I try to be, I finally got the kids into the car (after a great talk with Ben) and off we went to church.
Even though we were late, we still found a small pew all to ourselves. Which is the best. I hate bothering other people with my kids. As soon as we sat down, the boys started fishing around in my church bag and pulling out the Tupperware of treats, Thomas the Trains and his friends, a random bus, coloring books, and a used sucker from 2 weeks ago, which Nephi was more than happy to finish off.

All was going well, until Sam didn't like the fact that Nephi was playing with the bus. So he tried to trade him with a train. He wasn't going for that, he never does, and Sam started screaming. Then he grabbed the bus and Nephi started screaming. I took the bus away. They both started screaming in unison. Sam got so mad he threw his Thomas train and pegged the old lady sitting in front of us in the back of the head.

While I was busy apologizing, Sammy snuck the bus. Nephi tattled by yelling, "No Sammy! Naughty!" I took it away again making Sam pound his fist down on the coloring book -- which wouldn't have been too bad if the Tupperware full of cheerios wasn't balancing precariously on one end. The cereal went flying! And I am talking 12 feet up and 6 feet around. I was so embarrassed as I tried to pick the cheerios out of the old lady's hair in front of us. She had one of those poofy hair styles they have done every week at the salon and the cheerios gravitated towards its Velcro-like attributes.

I don't think she likes me now. And she really doesn't like my boys. But all in all, she was a good sport about it...

It only got worse when Sam stepped on the cereal I was trying to clean up, and Nephi escaped the pew and took off down the isle heading for the front. I don't remember what happened next it was all so fast, but somehow I managed to chase him down, and get him back into the pew before Sam realized what was going on.

I had sweat pouring down my face, and I wanted to cry. I missed Ben. I needed him.

Then my savior came in the form of a teenaged pink-haired girl armed with an activity book and pencil, which totally captivated Sam, and came and sat with us. Nephi was so freaked out he wouldn't move. He just sat on the pew looking at his lap, shooting the girl with occasional crusty looks. Hey, at least he was being quiet.

They were perfect for the rest of the time. I felt happy and relieved, and I hope next week is better! Do you think she will sit with us again?


Eternally Distracted said...

I think you have got yourself a babysitter in the shape of a pink-haired girl!

Sorry, I couldn't help but giggle at your kids antics ...

Barb said...

Kids are great...these are those "remember when moments" you talk about over Thanksgiving dinners. Enjoy. They will soon be grown and gone.

Tera said...

Reading this post fills me with anxiety. :) Perhaps it's because I'm not yet removed from the situation. I experienced a year of no husband with me in church. I anticipate many more Sundays while he is in training or deployed. But over the course of the last year I learned something that works for me:

I have learned that snacks, toys, etc. cause much more noise than they prevent. The kids fight over them or make car sounds, etc. Now, I don't allow anything to be brought into the chapel except plain paper and a pencil for each kid (crayons still give the kids something to fight over). The older girls (5 and 6)draw quietly the entire time. To keep TJ (3) occupied, I sit next to him and draw pictures for him to identify. All of them are much, much more quiet during Sacrament Meeting.

Not all kids are the same, I know, but changing my Sacrament Meeting habits has improved my sanity and the sanity of those around me.

Good luck. I hope you can find something that works for you! :)

DaveandRuth said...

Absolutely, I think she will sit with you again. My church fun comes in the form of girls, as of late I feel like just making it through the meeting is a plus.

Barb said...

Sorry Tera, did not mean to cause anxiety. I was referring to the locked out of the house story. Church can be hard with little ones. I am Sammy and Nephi grandma. I remembering chasing Cat down the church aisle in the middle of Sacrament meeting and NOT beating her to the piano. She thinks Sammy fast??? The apple does not fall from the tree.

Tobi said...

Bribe her to sit with you every week. I would have killed for that kind of intervention when my hubs was deployed.

I hope your new "Daddy-less" routine gets easier soon. Believe it or not eventually you'll get used to it. You won't like it though. Ever.

By the way I thought your idea of pretending to eat a treat to get Sam to open the door was GENIUS!

Lydia said...

Oh have I been there, Last time my sweetie was deployed it got soooooo bad that one Sunday the Branch President came off the stand to sit with my family.

Our Family said...

I can't believe Sammy locked you out of the house! That was some nice acting on your part, though. :o)

Jill said...

I am very impressed with the fake-out snack. Very impressed indeed.

As for church, I am glad someone saw your need and came and helped. I think this will be an interesting time for all. And with as busy as it sounds like your boys are in church, there will be many opportunities for the girls in your ward to serve.

Good luck. And I apologize now for laughing at all throughout your post. The cheerios in the lady's hair was almost more than I can take. There's a lady in our ward with that same hairstyle. It really is velcro-like and it just begs for stuff to get stuck in there. Anyway, it was a wonderful way to start the day... thanks!

ThatMommy! said...

roflol. it really is funnier when it happens to someone else :)

TeeTee said...

I love your header!

Veronica Ernest said...

Your awesome. I was just thinking that maybe you should ask the young women if they need any service projects for their personal progress and ask them if they could sit with you during sacrament and help you. Maybe you could actually enjoy a meeting or two.Good Luck.

blueviolet said...

Let's hope she does because she was magic!

(Nice to meet another nut.)

Amber Lynae said...

Sacrament is hard enough with two parents, but when hubby is gone it can be even harder. When my hubby is gone I always sit by our friends that don't have kids yet. Little Princess loves to sit by them every week. But I do need to get her used to sitting quietly through sacrament meeting. :( I never get to hear the messages.

Single Mama NYC said...

Fast thinking there with the fake treat, good going Cat!

I'm sorry that I laughed throughout your entire church post. Maybe I was supposed to feel sympathetic for you and not laugh from deep in my belly at the old lady with the Velcro hair getting pelted with things. It's your fault I'm laughing though really, you're just a hilarious storyteller. I'll stop laughing now though, honest I will.

Meagan and John said...

cat your ability to explain the situation in the most funny way never seizes to amaze me, I though once didn't get to dominic in time and he made up onto the stand, I knelt at the steps trying to beckon him down before having to chase him on the stand to get him, at the moment I felt so humiliated, because everybody could see and I was just waiting for someone to ask us not to return or point out how disrespectful it was to let my son run around like a wild child during sacrement (like I asked him to do it you know) oh and did I mention that was when John was with us, yeah after that we sat out in the foyer, didn't even bother going into the chapel for months because John wouldn't allow dominic the oppertunity. Nobody ever mentioned anything about it to my suprise, I even forgot about it till just barely.

I do wish you the best of luck