Monday, June 29, 2009

Hitting, Coughing, and Acid Poop

I think yesterday was the longest day in my life! I am positive the clock slowed down just to torture me.

The kids got sick, so we cut the vacation short and came home. The boys were thrilled to be in their own beds again, and I was happy to once again occupy a Sam-proof house. The week was long, and exhausted doesn't cover the way I feel. Right now, I can't think of one funny thing to say. How sad is that? You should see the bags under my eyes, not to mention I feel like I am clinging to my sanity.

Now, I am naturally a upbeat, fun-loving, easy-going gal. A combination of fatigue, stress, and PMS can really suck the life out of a woman.

We usually go to church on Sundays, but the boys were coughing so bad, I couldn't take them in public. No one wants to be around sick kids. So we stayed in the Nutshell... All Day. I think I pulled most of my hair out. Good thing I have 8 months to grow it all back before Ben comes home... unless things get worse.

I didn't think Ben being gone would take a toll on the boys. But it has. Sam is acting out like he never has before. I caught him several times today doing serious acts of violence to Nephi. It was out of control! I am pretty sure my neighbors heard me losing it. Not only was he hitting, kicking, and pushing Nephi off high places, but he was destroying my furniture! Sam pulled off all the couch cushions and ripped the fabric up that covers the springs. I was livid. We can't afford a new couch right now! Then I caught him opening the window and trying to punch through the screen.

Then it all hit the fan, when I found Nephi rolling around in pain on the floor clutching his butt. I pulled his hands away and they were covered in blood! I thought Sam had hurt him! I pulled his pants down and there was a bloody hole in the back of his diaper and blood was leaking down his leg. I prayed it wasn't something serious, as I pulled the diaper off. Turns out he had a really bad poop that ate away the skin. (He wasn't pooping blood)It was awful! Poor little guy was bleeding all over his little buns. He got a major dose of Desitin and baby powder.

Finally, bed time rolled around. I just about dropped kicked them into bed. I can't wait until Sam goes to summer school in two weeks. I don't know what I was thinking, believing I could handle the boys without Ben! Will it get better?! I sure hope so!

Anyone have any advice for me? Military wives out there, do your kids adjust? Help please!



Pam said...

Wow! What a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day. I hope today is better. I'm not a military wife, but my gut tells me the kids will adjust and this will get easier in time. Hang in there. {{hugs}}

Jill said...

Hey Pam! That's what I was gonna say. Bummer. :)

Cat, come visit me when you're all well. It was very thoughtful of you to keep your sick kids home, but I'll bet you were wanting to get out.

In the mean time, I'll call and chat with you. I hope this adjustment will pass quickly. Good luck. I hope your day is better today.

DaveandRuth said...

I am sure it will get better. Dave worked nights for almost 10 years and went to school for 4 of those. I am sure it will get better. School will help. As one lady tells me, be grateful for any school in the summer. She to, has a special needs child. Good luck!

Nina said...

That wasn't a good day. I rmember feeling like you at one period when my husband was working 200% and I had a new born and a toddler. All I can say is it does pass. Do your best and try to breath and let it all go!

Our Family said...

I'm so sorry about your horrible day. It really is hard on kids when their dad is gone. My husband was gone recently for just a week, and my five-year-old son had a really hard time. He was so irritable, wouldn't listen to me, etc...He's doing better now that daddy's home. But, my husband will be leaving for months at a time this year for training. We'll all have to give each other ideas on how to cope. :o)

Tobi said...

So sorry about your horrible day. Your boys know that Daddy is gone and they are acting out their feelings. Next time Ben calls have your boys talk to their Daddy on the phone. You wouldn't believe how much it helps for them to just hear Daddy's voice. Things will get better in time. The fact that you are having a tough time is perfectly NORMAL. Keep your chin up!!

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

oh, goodness, days like that are HARD. The only thing I can suggest is to keep in mind one or two strategies that work to calm them down. Like for my kids, if I play a board game with them, or turn on music and dance with them, or read them stories, they will usually calm down enough that we can get past the moment of chaos and start over. My guess is that their behavior is fairly normal and they will start to adjust. Good luck!

Guilty Mother said...

What total pants! I hate days like that and I always end up hating myself even more for feeling like I haven't dealt with it all very well. You'll be just fine and your boys will settle down, after all, daddy's gone, you're just back from a long road trip and they're poorly, they're bound to be ratty and it's got to get better. If all else fails, auction them off on e-bay :)

Anonymous said...

I completley understand what you are going through. Maybe extra activities for the kids would help. Planning fun days with your kids will help keep their mind occupied, and get you in a better mood too, especially when you see your kids enjoying themselves.

Ana said...

Well, it gets better and it doesn't. They are always going to have a hard time, but it changes as they get older. One of the nice things is that eventually they can communicate their sadness without acting like a hoodlum. It's hard for me to completely compare because our boys have always lived this life so Daddy coming and going is their normal. I'm guessing your boys are reacting so strongly because they went from Daddy all the time to nothing and they really have no idea what happened or whether he's coming back (it doesn't matter how many times you tell them, either; they just aren't old enough to think past today).

As for coping, I have an album full of pictures that feature Daddy. There are all kinds of pics; some with the kids, some with me, some of him alone. Even the little guy loves to page through it. They each have a build a bear with a message voice box that Oliver recorded special for each of them. We make videos of him reading stories to them. We also draw pictures for him. I also encouraged Wyatt to blow kisses to Daddy when he's sad, and I watched him do just that tonight.

It's so incredibly hard to watch your kids hurt for their dad. It's by far the worst part of deployments for me. I can promise you, though, that even if they never get used to it, you will adapt and find out what works and what doesn't. Eventually, you'll react to their behavior with patience and ideas before frustration.

One last piece of advice, too: save your own tears for after they are in bed. They will take their cues from you. If you present a brave face and assure them everything is fine, they will go on believing this and be better for it. If you break down in front of them, they will break down, too, and then you will just have a bigger problem. Call a friend to take them if you must, but hold steady. It will help you all out so much!