Saturday, May 2, 2009

The Mystery of the Purse

All through time women have cloaked themselves in many mysteries that have continued to baffle men throughout the ages. Some of these mysteries that have been on my mind recently are things women have possessed or used like corsets, hair curlers, high heals, nylons, and especially the purse. Now there’s an intriguing subject. The moment I wrapped my mind around it, I was suddenly filled with questions … i.e. Why do women carry purses? Why does the purses’ overall size tend to get larger as women get older? Why are they so determinedly off limits to anyone with testosterone, yet women frequently ask their female friends to help find something in its depths? The list goes on, but I will content myself with these few thoughts for the moment and elaborate.

I don’t know when the purse first became popular, or what caused it to be such a sensation among women. I only know that women usually start carrying purses around about the same time they begin to have their little monthly problems. Yet I’ve never seen a special compartment in them to stash the “magic bullet”, or perhaps the designated area is where my wife keeps the extra pens (one of which is my favorite but keeps ending up in there). Aside from that I see no reason for a woman to carry a purse for the three weeks it is unnecessary to do so. And on a side note, why use something so large to house something so small. I mean a pocket cigar case would do the trick. But women seem to enjoy being mysterious so the cigar case is out and the purse is in.
There is another enigma that resides upon the woman’s purse. It is that the size of it tends to grow as a woman ages, and the number of compartments reduces until you’re left with just a canvas shoulder bag. This I wholly do not understand. It is reasonable that a purse is large enough to house a sippy cup for each toddler in the household plus a few diapers and wipes. What I don’t understand is why said purse carried does not shrink after the kids have outgrown that particular phase. I think it is because the purse is never really cleaned out until the woman carrying it begins to feel the straps cut into her shoulder. But once that time does come, in Cat’s case, she can fill an entire grocery bag full of stuff, leaving her purse looking limp and relieved. The funny thing is… even when she gets a new one, the old one is never entirely cleaned out. I have a full size box of old purses filled with stuff. Suffice it to say that we men just don’t understand the whole reasoning of a purse when clothes are made with perfectly good pockets, and belts can hold any number of things. And if all else fails there is the old classic… the fanny pack.

Now from the time that we (males) are very young, we’ve had our hands slapped when we’ve tried to get into mommies purse. The reason we try is because we’ve seen her reach in and pull out a snack on several occasions and we want some of the action. She however does not want to loose the spoils she has so cleverly kept away from daddy.

There are many different methods to accomplish this goal. In my experience, a purse is FILLED with clutter, junk mail, receipts, their cellphone, i-pod, band aids, lotion, make-up, key chains that are heavy enough to pry keys out of the ignition and finally a membership card to every business within a thirty mile radius. What we don’t realize is all those things were strategically placed there to fool a meddling toddler into believing there are no more goodies, and to deter a husband that would rather go buy his own stuff than go on a treasure hunt that could be potentially dangerous. Yes, dangerous. I once was pricked by an open safety pin while conducting a search… booby trap.

Finally, there is the issue of men carrying purses, they try to disguise that fact by calling them man bags, but us real men can see through the ruse. All I can say is if it quacks like a duck…

Disclaimer: The Pictures above are NOT of Mama Nut's purse.


Rocksee said...

Very intellectual post Daddy Nut! Personally, as I get older, the less purse I like. Just less to carry. But I don't have kids, so maybe that's why the purses get bigger so mom's have there arsenal of supplies?

Amy said...

Hehehe, funny, my sister-in-law and I were discussing purses today, and "man purses".. so it is funny that you mention it! I don't think a man can fully appreciate what a purse has to offer. They are an absolute necessity if you are a woman. Now I am not saying you need a hundred different purses, each for a different outfit, but one or two is a must. For starters, where are you going to put your wallet. I am sorry but I am not going to carry a bulging wallet in my back pocket...just doesn't work with the tighter jean style. Carrying a wallet in your hands... if you are anything like me... will only get it lost somewhere. I use mine to put in my sunglasses, chap stick, and some tissues. I also stick in a diaper and wipes. My cell phone also has a home in it. Trying to put all that in a pocket?? I think not. Occasionally my husband asks me to put his cell phone, or sunglasses in it too. So anyway, hope that solves a bit of the mystery for you... and maybe you just have to be a woman to understand? :)

Jill said...

You don't want us walking around like George on Seinfeld, do you? You remember what happened at the end? His wallet snapped and all his important papers went flying all around. See, we women, have it figured out a little better. Put all the things you'll possibly need (in any given situation) all in one place. And make sure it can zip shut. We've got all our bases covered.

Mystery solved?

Ariana said...

Great post, Daddy Nut! Your cigar case suggestion is intriguing, however I think woman appreciate the more stealthy option of a purse.

By the way, does Mommy Nut know that you posted a photo of the contents of her purse? I hope we get to hear from you next Saturday. If not, we'll know what happened.

Mama Nut said...

Oh, that isn't my purse!! Just some pics we found searching the net! It better not be mine -- it you look next to the top one, there is a pack of cigarettes -- nope not me :)

Anonymous said...

Oh yes, the mystery of the purse. My mother use to continually tell me "don't hang on my purse" it was so convienent to do so. Or "run get my purse and I will get it out for you" whatever it was I wanted. Forbidden to go where no man or anyone for that matter had gone before, my mothers purse. Just one peek that is all I wanted. Now as a mother and Grandmother I carry a fairly good size bag just for the pleasure of saying "run get my bag and I will get it out for you" whatever that may be we were seeking. The never ending bag. The other day I was visiting Grandsons and walked in to find the contents of my purse on the floor...NOOOOOOOOOOOO. I felt totally exposed by a two year old.

Anne Alagna said...

LMFAO!!!!!!! OMG......... I need to catch my breath! Hahahahahaha!

ok, seriously, we carry them because they are an accessory that goes with our shoes. Geez, isnt that OBVIOUS?!?! guess not.

And why do they grow as we get older? Because every time we get stuck needing something and not having it, we go home, stick it in our purse and never have that problem again. Not to mention that when I had a small purse my husband would roll his eyes when he asked me to carry his keys and I told him I couldnt fit them in.

But back to the topic... I started off carrying cash and pads. Back in the day pads were so big a napsack would have been more appropriate. Then I went out on my own and also carried ID and keys. And when I discovered men, I carried lipstick. Before ATMs and DEBIT cards, I had a check book and pen... and another pen because it seemed like the first one I grabbed never worked. Then I got married and I carried an address book of all my relatives and couples we knew. Then I had kids and I started carrying diapers, wipes, tissues, snacks and bandaids. And my kids started to grow. I ditched the diapers but still liked the convenience of the wipes. I was under nourished from all the mothering so I started carrying lotion for my dry skin and tylenol for my aching head. I soon found that no matter how many times they were told, no one actually brushed their hair so I started to carry a brush. I had a boy, so I started to carry cleansers and antibiotic. My girls hit that time of their lives so I started to carry a multitude of monthly supplies just in case. And my son had ear trouble so I carried Q tips. My youngest girl complained of chapped lips so I carried chapstick. I couldnt afford my family so I started to carry a coupon book. I was asked if they were all mine so I started carrying a family photo proving that I had a husband. Keep in mind that I have 4 kids so I have to carry a camera for those special moments, a cell phone for those emergencies and a calendar (planner) to keep track of who goes where when.

Then I started babysitting a friend's autistic son. So I started carrying polly pockets and other small people toys, a packet of cookies and a DVD player.

If you have been adding it up with me, you should realize by now that my purse weighs about 15 pounds and fills the 14.9 cu ft trunk of my car all on its own. But wait, I havent mentioned the gum and mints and deposit slips and CDs and napkins and the purse my youngest wants to take everywhere with her, but doesnt want to carry.

Sigh. Why did you want to know? I mean really? Go look through the small pockets, armrest, dash board and glove box of your car and tell me that you dont have an equally weird combo of stuff.

OH, and before I let this go... have you ever put on a woman's pair of pants? IF they even have pockets, we are lucky if our whole hand fits... let alone be able to secure anything there. Certainly we might carry smaller purses if we just had usable pockets like men do. But then again we would look lumpy and bumpy and that wouldnt be good either. I give up. I will never be able to explain it.

Oh well. BTW, thanks for visiting my blog. I have enjoyed reading yours and I just took the planner out of my purse to add your blog to my list of favorites (you know, the paper version just in case the digital version blows up again). Purses... you wonder why we have them until you ask us for a mint and we are able to give you one immediately. =D

Jennie @ Modern Mamaz said...

You mean I'm not the only one that has a graveyard of purses in the top of my closet, all of which are still full? I will tell you, when going on a rampage looking for change... the purse graveyard is like winning the jackpot on a quarter machine in vegas. 15 years from now when Hunter is 18 I will go through all of those old purses and pay for his college tuition! The funny thing is, women refuse to clean out their purse... until they get a new one. At that time, we grab our wallet, a couple of other pertinent items, and that's it. When there is a new purse involved, the items in the old purse are no longer needed.

ROSIDAH said...

This is a very interesting post. There is a blog tag about women purses/bags where you can see what we carry inside ;). This is my bag tag post. You'll see that I am actually applying your thoughts and it works for me. It's not a cigar case pack, because I don't smoke. But a tiny handmade bag from Yogya. Have a great weekend :)

Farmer*swife said...

I saw the lighter and though, hmmm. :-)

This is a cute post! Daddy Saturday's is great idea; though, my hubby isn't full of words and witt. He's not a blogger.

Nice blog! (Oh, I'm a/k/a Glass Half Full Gal)

Jenny said...

Hi. Just dropping by your blog here. It's really nifty. I'm gonna bookmark you for later visits. And I hope you drop by my site for a look see and visit. I'd love to have you. :D

Ali said...

But if I don't carry my big purse, how am I supposed to sneak in water bottles inside baseball stadiums? And what about all those snacks for the movies? Hmmm...I guess I carry a big purse because I'm cheap!

BridgetJean said...

Very funny post. My purse is very sacred to me. No one is allowed to touch it. I love a big bag and I must update once a year. I would feel empty if I went anywhere w/o my purse.

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