Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Warning: Must Have Common Sense

Yesterday, I took a pregnancy test (I know you are dying to know what the result was: negative) and while I was waiting for the results, I glanced over the package. My eyes instantly found the warning label, brightening my day. Now, first of all, you know that companies have to protect themselves from being sued by idiots that lack common sense. I think this just goes to show what the justice system has come too. Obviously, these sue happy morons are winning lawsuits for dumb reasons, forcing the companies to post embarrassing warning labels on their products.

Now, back to the pregnancy test. I know, you know, and every woman with half a brain knows that you pee on the little stick and wait for the bars. But apparently, there is someone out there who has tried to use it orally or took it internally. Because the warning label on the pregnancy test states: "Do not use orally or internally." Duh.

So all this got me to thinking about warning labels. You can often find a label on Sugar-Free candy stating that too much consumption may cause diarrhea. There's an over-the-counter sleeping-pill proclaiming that it was the "non-drowsy formula." Or on Preparation H: Do Not take orally -- I'd like to see the guy who did that!! Perma-pucker Baby!

Here are some more of my favorites:

Curling Iron: For external use only. Also: Warning: this product can burn eyes.
Hair dryer: Do not use in shower. Do not use while sleeping.
Public Toilet: Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking.
Electric Rotary Tool: This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
Underarm Deodorant Spray: Caution: Do not spray in eyes.
Wheel barrow wheel: Not intended for highway use.
Toilet bowl brush: Do not use orally.
Laser pointer: Do not look into laser with remaining eye.
Microwave Oven: Do not use for drying pets.
Package of Silly Putty: Do not use as ear plugs.
Breath Savers: Not for weight control.
Tube of Deodorant: Do not use intimately.
Portable Stroller: Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage.
Iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
Child-sized Superman Cape: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
Box of Midol PMS relief tablets: Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems.
Wrapper of Fruit Roll-ups: Remove plastic before eating.
TV remote control: Not dishwasher safe.
Package for a wristwatch: Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.

(found at http://www.rinkworks.com/said/warnings.shtml -- but I have actually seen many of these myself)

The sad thing is, these aren't made up! Somewhere out there, there are actually people that have done these things! And what gets me, is that they publicly admit it!! So, if you are one of these unfortunate souls, you've got to tell us!! Don't worry, we won't tease you too much -- at least not any more then you deserve.... we promise we won't tell!

More funny warning labels? Do share!


Lora said...

Warning labels crack me up. Although I may or may not have attempted to iron a skirt while wearing it...

Visiting you from SITS--have a great day!

Andrea said...

This was completely hilarious-thanks for sharing! I get a kick out of dumb warning labels, too! GREAT FUN!

Andrea said...

BTW-Is that an actual picture of the test you took? It doesn't look negative to me. . . .

Mama Nut said...

Oh, holy cow, I didn't think of that! No, that's not my test! It's someone else's :)

Pam said...

Visiting from SITS! I agree. Most warning labels are just completely silly. I guess that comes from living in sue-happy world. Too bad!

BridgetJean said...

I love the warnings that pharmacuetical companies give on TV. Like: this may help you with your restless leg syndrome (if there is such a thing) but you may start to have irregular heartbeats....crazy right!!!

Mama Nut said...

So true! My favorite is that it might cause death. Oh, and Restless Leg Syndrome is real! I'm not joking! My mom gets it when she eats something with MSG in it, and I got it my last pregnancy -- it REALLY stinks! You can't keep your legs still!

Rocksee said...

this was too cute.. I read the labels too.. they crack me up! I love the ones on mattresses.. that just doesn't make sense at all.

Becky said...

So that's why that fruit roll up was so darn hard to swallow...?!?!

Very cute!

Stopping by from SITS!

Housewife Savant said...

Until today my most memorable warning was "Do not iron clothes while wearing."
This lit me up with laughter.
Thank YOU!

Jennie said...

Thank you for sharing! You know what I noticed? I never paid any attention to those warning labels until I became a mom... I really should have started much sooner! I missed out on a lot of good laughs!

Amy said...

Those are just hysterical Cat!!! I just about died after reading each one! LOL

Oh, and when we went to your house, Maddie must have noticed a pregnancy test, because she started asking questions about it. She mentioned you, and that you have a little test that tells you if your are pregnant. That was fun to explain! HAHA :)

Mama Nut said...

I know, she saw me with it and asked what it was. I told her. She was completely interested in the fact that your pee can tell you if you are having a baby or not. Too funny! She told me she really wanted me to have a baby girl this time....

Kritta22 said...

Oh stinking goodness!

Curling Iron may burn eyes! DUH!!!!

I just started reading your blog so I don't know if your prego test being negative is a good or bad thing.

Congrats or not! :)

Brittany said...

Oh goodness!

How the heck does someone use deodorant "intimately?"
Uh, ew! And, scary!

{jordan} said...

I "heard" that the magic 8 ball's warning was "not intended as a pregnancy test" and a piano that said "fatal if swallowed".... And yes, I caught the Midol's warning about not taking it if you have an enlarged prostate. Hmmmmm.....
Funny! Thanks for sharing!

Emily said...

Ok I know I am super late on posting a comment but I just read this. So Rob and I were at a family dinner for someone's birthday. And the main course was steak wrapped in bacon. So off I go eating this bacon wrapped steak that is OH SO GOOD!! I finish the whole thing and work on my side dishes and then happen to glance over at Rob's plate where there appears to be a ring of string on his plate in a pile. So I ask him what it is. Instead of answering, he glances at my plate and asks "Where's yours?" Then he starts laughing. When he finally finishes laughing at my expense, he proceeds to inform me that the bacon was held onto the steak by this piece of string. Apparently this string was either extremely tender of my steak was really stringy because my knife cut right through it and I never noticed!! I could have used a caution or warning label on that steak...:(

Emily said...

Also, although not a warning or caution, have you noticed chapstick has instructions on how to use it on the side?? Sad.