Sam's Club Torture
Posted 25 Aug 2008
I don't know about you, but one of the worst things about Ben going back to school is that I have to run all my errands alone.. with the boys. Great anxiety ensues when I look into the fridge and realize that I am long due for a trip to Sam's Club.
After much grunting and groaning, I get shoes on the boys. And then I grunt and groan a little more as I shove them in their car seats. At this point Sam thinks he is so clever and unsnaps his seat belt just as I plant myself in the front seat... little turd.
The big trials come when we pull into the parking lot. Some people may think, how hard can it be to get two toddlers from point A, the car, to point B, the store? Let's just say that today I should have won an award! See, I have a method. First, I always park next to the carts. Second, I dash out of the car and grab a cart... this may seem easy, but actually it takes a quick and trained eye to scan the various carts for the one with two sets of working seat belts. Today, I couldn't find one cart with ANY working seat belts! Now this is an anomaly to me. How the heck do the seat belts break! The things are made of nylon for Pete's sake! I figure there is either and serial belt cutting criminal out there on the loose, or there are some kids out there with seriously sharp teeth!
I knew I was in for a really hard time at Sam's as I wrestled to get the boys into the death trap... errr ... I mean seat belt less cart. Then as we approach the doors I push the cart with one hand, while looking for my Sam's card with the other. The boys think this is great! They wait for opportunities for me to have my hands full to pull all their naughty little stunts. Today's Really Naughty Behavior Award goes to Sam. As I am showing the door greeter (or whatever they are called) my card, Sam tries to grab my shirt but grabs a womanly body part and gives it a twist... yeah, the worker guy thought it was real funny... jerk.
So we're in the store and I made a mad dash to gather all the food items on my list... that I could remember... Nephi stole the list after about 5 minutes in the store and I didn't see it again. He probably stuck it to the butt of some unsuspecting passerby... I hope it was the door greeter.
Then we approached one of the food taster tables. Usually, the boys enjoyed these. Today, it was some kind of chicken on a little toothpick. Nephi gobbled his down... but Sam spit his out and yelled "YUCKY!" Yeah, it was one of those moments when you just smile and say, "He's not mine." Like anyone will believe me anyway.
Did I mention that the whole time the boys were trying to climb out or stand up? Yeah and I only have two hands. I tried to ignore the stares and the whispered comments... maybe I am just paranoid. But all the same I was really stressing out!
We made it through check out without problem. The cashiers commented on how well behaved the boys are, I just laughed and thought they wouldn't say that if they had been on the milk isle when Sam started screaming because I was holding his legs down in the seat.
I think the highlight of my trip was the Diet Coke at the snack counter after check out. I closed my eyes, I took a sip and sighed. Then I opened them to see two little faces staring at me with open mouths waiting for a sip too. Not a chance... little men... not a chance.